


Fly me to the Moon

by LimpBlotter



Category: Blackish, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Crossover Pairings, F/F, F/M, Johsnavi, Josnavi, M/M, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LimpBlotter/pseuds/LimpBlotter
Summary: Johan Johnson takes a trip to New York, the sights are so good he considers staying.  (Originally my tumblr fic inspired by Midnigtartist)





	1. You had at me "Hola"

“This is so great, I am so happy you decided to come with me!” Rainbow beamed the moment they got out of JFK. “New York City, ugh, this place is absolutely amazing. Can you believe just a few weeks ago that huge protest happened right here, a united stand towards equality on the same ground we are walking on.”  
  
“Which one?” The man who accompanied her and all her chatter; rolled his luggage along as they approached the rental car station. “I’m pretty sure New York has a protest every other night. Why else would the streets be so dirty?” Bow shot Johan a dirty look as he pulled his hair into a bun. Rainbow had been invited to a Medical Convention down at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. The convention from what Johan remembered from her babbling was just a bunch of doctors getting together to advocate their liberal ideals of health care and free, unbiased treatment. Or something…  
  
Rainbow picked out a sweet 2016 Chevy Impala. “Alright, let’s go!” She spun the keys around her finger, even after flying across the country she seemed perfectly fine and fresh…in comparison to her younger brother who seemed to have grown crustier the longer he went without caffeine and wifi.  
  
“Seriously? You pick the newest car they have? Rainbow do you know where we are?” Johan shook his head, Rainbow’s naivety was showing brighter than the colors in an actual rainbow. “This car screams ‘rob me I’m not from here’”  
  
“Johan, please we are in New York City not some third world country. Now get your _behind_ in the car or I will leave you _behind_.” She motioned Johan into the passenger seat. With a defeated sigh he marched himself into the car dumping their luggage in the trunk. “Honestly, this is NYC, a mecca of liberal, free thinkers, don’t you feel innovation and empowerment just oozing from the atmosphere? Some say it’s a lot like California.”  
  
“And just like California and every other city there is a large rate of marginalization and angry prejudices.” He countered, his eyes on his phone as he scanned yelp for the nearest 4-5 star place to eat. After a long flight and listening to Rainbow chime and chirp for hours, Johan was ready for a big breakfast and a tall glass of Cabernet. “Don’t be fooled by your idealism of cities who voted Hilary, New York is basically the Thunder-dome, shall I remind you about some of the racially charged assaults and murders that’s happened the last few years in New York alone?”  
  
“Johan if I listened to every single report about a ‘brother’ or a ‘sister’ going down because of the color of our skin I would be in over hundreds of years of negativity. Things are what they are but we still have to live on, for example I had a patient once came in with a nasty tumor, it looked life threatening and lo and behold…” And there she went. Johan tuned her out. He wished he had his sister’s ability to look at a clearly black and white world and see nothing. She lived in a world where she could fix things and the color of skin didn’t matter. Johan was living in the now, with President Trump and countless senseless acts of injustice. It was times like these he wished he was back in Europe, backpacking his way to seclusion away from the worries and troubles of their present world. Alas, Dre basically begged him to go with Bow, with reason. If this was how she was coming to New york, with some cinematic mentality of a hopeful city then there was a good chance Dre would be looking for wife number 2. Not to mention Bow was expecting.

After a good hour moving through streets that mirrored LAX, bumper to bumper traffic and an endless symphony of horns blasting from all directions, Johan finally looked up from his phone. (Because it died). He noticed Bow was leaning into the steering wheel, squinting at the nearby street sign. “…you’re lost.”

“Nooooo” she held out the word for some time, puckering her lips as her eyes look more and more like a deer caught in headlights. “I’m just…making sure what number we’re on.” Rainbow made a left down from Ft. Washington and West 176th street into a little Avenue called Haven. The brick buildings were jammed together side by side it looked like they were built as one continuous unit. She parked the car in front of a corner store and sighed. “Ok…we have to be close…” she ran her hand along the side of the steering wheel. “This looks like a little local place.”

“This looks like the where that murder case happened.” Johan answered her.

“What case?” Rainbow blinked, curious if this was truly the scene of a crime.

Johan’s lips turned up into a cold smirk, “the one where two Californians were lost in the ghetto’s of New York city and found dead and dumped into the Hudson. One a wonderful, handsome, well loved adventurous spirit and his idiotic sister who happened to be a decent doctor.” He wasn’t surprised Rainbow slapped his shoulder. He was a little surprised it actually hurt. “Bow just use the GPS on your phone.”

“Or instead of wasting batteries I can ask for directions. My phone is dying and Dre promised he’d call me when the kids got home from school.” She was not going to lose the rest of her battery for something as silly as directions. “Why don’t you use your GPS?”

“My phone died, where is your charger?” Johan arched his eyebrow.

Bow did the same, copying his expression. “In my luggage, where is yours?”

“Same.” There was a silence between them, absorbing their shared moment of absentmindedness. Neither willing to dig through their luggage for a couple of chords. Siblings through and through.

“Look, locals have the best directions. I’ll go ask one and we’ll be on our way. I have to check into the Hospital before we get to our Hotel.” Bow exited the car leaving the keys and the car unlocked. Not waiting for protests the pregnant doctor scampered across the street to a nearby appliance store. Johan watched his hard headed, pregnant sister did whatever it was she wanted, and hoped he didn’t have to be the one telling Dre he lost her. It took him a split second to realize she left the car unlocked and keys still in the ignition.

“She is seriously asking for someone to … **AH**?!” He jumped at the sight of a young man walking past the car. His hands in his jacket as he tilted his head, eyeing up the vehicle. Johan scrambled to take the keys from the ignition and locked the car. The loud click of all four door locks going off made the young man stop in mid-step. He gave Johan an undisturbable look before continuing his stride into the corner store.

“Sonny you’re late…Again.”

“Aw~ chill out primo, I was _at_ class.” Sonny smirked walking through the chip aisle, snagging a bag of fifty cent doritos. His cousin shook his head, the class did nothing for his slang apparently.

“Nice try, your last class was over an hour ago.” Usnavi glared from behind his polished counter. “Let me guess, you were with your boyfriend, again.” He grunted not waiting for Sonny’s confirmation, his silence was enough. “I hope Pete is worth the pay cut.”

“Aw, come on, Navi! Don’t be like that.” That got Sonny’s attention. He came out from the aisle and leaned over his counter. “Pete is going off to art school in California, I gotta take these moments as they come.”

“Art School in California? Is that what they call _moving-into-your-abuela’s beach-house-so-you-can-get-high-all-the-time_ these days?” Usnavi didn’t hide the fact he wasn’t too keen on Sonny’s choice of lovers. Not because he was gay, god no, Usnavi was not like that. It was because Pete had…so little professional ambition. Sonny was studying hard, got himself through community college now was looking at a fancy scholarship. Sonny wasn’t like Nina, it took him two years of ass busting in a community school to get his GPA to a place he could even be offered a dime. Usnavi was his biggest supporter though the idea of him losing it all rang a little too close to home. Luckily Sonny knew what he wanted, he wanted to get into law. Make the world a safer place, it wasn’t too long ago someone in their neck of the woods was faced with injustice. Sonny was living in the prime of social justice. The world needed more Sonnys in Usnavi’s eyes. That all said that didn’t mean he was going to take it easy on him. “Real jobs would fire you for how many times you’re late. No more lovey sob stories, get here on time.”

“Si señor” Sonny rolled his eyes, he leaned back eyeing up the fancy Impala that was illegally sitting in front of the store. “Yo I think he’s lost.” Sonny motioned to the skittish, big haired man sitting in the car staring out of every window.

“He’s probably waiting for someone.” Usnavi was guilty of standing around waiting for someone to run back to the car. Parking in New York was terrible. “He’ll leave soon.”

“Nah, man locked his car when he saw me pass by. He’s totally not from New York, he’s lost. I know that face.” He pointed with a cheesy covered fingertip. “That’s the same face those tourists get when they realize they don’t know how to get out of Time Square. Man is lost.”

Usnavi looked out the window and wondered if it was true. He did look nervous. Not to take offense, most people who didn’t grow up in the Heights or anywhere else would have been frightened of New York City. It was a pretty intimidating city at first glance. Gritty and hard to make a living, but the real locals were just regular people trying to get by. None of those thugs and criminals sneaking around every corner with a glock in their waistband. Sure, they had some, every place had some but overall…people here were just like family. All living life and wanting the same thing…a fucking break. “He’s fine.”

“We should help him out, like, get him to buy something for directions.” Sonny nodded, partly because he wanted to mess with him a little more. “I got it.”

“Sonny? Sonny! Get your ass back here– _aye mi madre ese niño me va da un solo ataque del corazón_! (this kid is gonna give me a heartattack!)” Usnavi felt the stress rising as he watched Sonny walk out of the store and right up to the car. All Usnavi could do was wait, and have 911 on speed dial in case Sonny got himself into trouble.

Sonny approached the car once more. He peered into the window and gently tapped the glass. Johan jumped in surprise, he placed a hand to his chest like he was some B rank movie actress caught in a bad scene. He merely watched as Sonny motioned him to lower his window. Everything in him said get the hell out of here but he couldn’t drive off without Bow…she knew where their hotel was. Slowly, Johan pressed the window button and lowered it only just an inch. “Yes? C-Can I help you?” He was well prepared to give all of Rainbow’s belongings to save his neck.  
  
“You lost, friend?” Sonny smiled, a dimple forming at one side of his face. He looked…a lot more approachable when he smiled, just a young man with a very…openly friendly face. “Just askin’ cause like…you’re kinda parked in a no standing zone…Don’t want you to get a ticket…so if you need directions or something?”  
  
Johan looked up and noticed there was, in fact, a white and red sign that said no standing in front of the car. “Uh.” He blinked for a second. There was a catch, what was the catch, if he stepped out of this car right now was he going to get shanked? Johan was momentarily possessed by his sister’s spirit and got out of the car. Unlike her though, he took the keys and locked it once he stepped out. “A bit, yeah.” He admitted, looking down at Sonny. Before Sonny could implement his plan on of swapping knowledge with profit, Johan’s stomach growled like something fierce. It was nearly noon and they still hadn’t stopped to eat anywhere. These were trying times, “Do you know where I can grab a bite to eat?”  
  
“Actually I do~” Sonny’s cheeky grin somehow got even cheekier. “I know the single most amazing little place that serves breakfast sandwiches like you wouldn’t believe!” He turned and motioned to the store behind him.  
  
“Really? Because I already believe this will give me food poisoning…” He blinked a few times but after another rumble from his stomach Johan released his good senses in favor for anything edible. Sonny waltzed ahead of him, opening the door for Johan. Surely a customer would repay his tardiness to Usnavi.  
  
As soon as they walked in they were greeted with a “Good Morning.” Usnavi smiled brightly from the counter. Johan paused, the greeting wasn’t the regular top of the morning, how are you, please get what you want and leave sort of greeting. It was a homey almost welcoming sort of greeting. It had a ring to it like he was walking into someone’s kitchen. Too bad this place smelled like someone’s dank cooler. “What can I get for you?”  
  
Johan moved his eyes from the warm voiced fellow by the counter and scanned the menu for sometime. He was silent until Sonny tapped the counter with his knuckle and ordered for him, “Give him the best you got, primo.” Sonny winked at his cousin. Usnavi nodded and started cooking up his famed breakfast sandwich paired with a coffee all under five dollars. A deal New Yorkers dreamed of. “So, tell me, where you headed? Maybe I can help you out.”  
  
Right, directions, the other thing Johan needed. “My sister and I are looking for…” He snapped his fingers a bit, she had been talking about all flight…all week…what was .. “Colombian Hospital?” There was a small laugh that came from the griddle. Johan’s ears grew warm and pink at the sound.  
  
“You mean the ER? Uh…thats like…if you go down Broadway…or take River Drive.”  
  
Usnavi looked up from his griddle “Sonny shut up, you don’t even know how to get to your house without your maps app.” He continued to smile finding the lost newcomer funny, but he couldn’t sit there and get the poor man even more lost.  
  
“It’s not maps app, its google, lord.” He rolled his eyes at his old fashion cousin.  
  
“Yeah, yeah why don’t you make yourself useful, man the griddle.” Sonny begrudgingly obeyed, he walked around the counter and took over Usnavi’s spot. While Usnavi went back to the counter top, facing Johan now. “Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, you’re real close. River Drive is terrible, you’re going to be stuck there for hours. What you’re gonna do is follow Haven down to 168th and Ft. Washington again and boom, it’s gonna be right there, you can’t miss it.”  
  
“Huh, we were on Ft. Washington I wonder how we missed it to begin with.” Johan was a little …surprised that Usnavi helped him so quickly and easily. A part of him felt a tad guilty for being so judgmental a few moments ago.  
  
“Don’t sweat it most newcomers aren’t taking in the sights of the city, they’re too busy watching their backs and keeping their eyes on the street.” He was no stranger to people being wry. “Once you pull back the stink of the city you get use to the people, and nothing about it is scary.”  
  
“Yeah only scary thing around here is your hat~” Sonny chuckled, earning himself a glare from Usnavi who purposely adjusted his cap a little more.  
  
“The hat is fine.” Johan blurted out, unsure why he felt like coming to the defense of Usnavi. He was so warm and welcoming, though watching him glare was probably equally as strangely warm and satisfying he felt the urge to insist otherwise. “I mean…its dated yes, but newspaper boy hats are cute, its like a …Newsies style.” He spoke and both Usnavi and Sonny gave him a blank stare. Johan felt the heat rise to his face, “a Melton look?” They blinked in unison. Johan felt his cheeks heat up with color. “Its vintage, very cute.”  
  
“Ah…” Usnavi’s face did the same, he didn’t get most of the references but what he did get was the word ‘ **cute** ’. Usnavi was facing an academic so it seemed. “I mean they’re not all the rage with the kids now but wait a few more years.”  
  
“Actually kids now are loving the throwback vintage looks, France use to be big on berets, then they stopped once the Americans began sticking them onto every French representation from character to cartoon like it was meant to signifies this was French. Now it’s back in style, more so even.” Johan rambled ostentatiously about his beloved-temporary home of France. How he missed teaching there…though it was nice to be home. He felt himself caught between wanting out of this place and wanting to be part of a family. Either way Johan was in a standstill in his life, suddenly talking about France was not doing him any good. Usnavi must have noticed the change in Johan’s face once he stopped rambling, the excited glow had subsided. 

He did what he did best, a poor, awkward joke in hopes for a smile. “Is it as the French say, c'est magnifique?” Usnavi literally only knew that word from a movie he saw once. Johan’s eyes softened a bit. His pronunciation was pretty poor. Usually he didn’t take the jokes without undoing them and making them no longer funny. But something about Usnavi’s shy delivery combined with probably how mind-numbingly hungry Johan was made him chuckle a bit.  
  
“I would say your accent is equally magnifique.” Johan placed his hand on the counter, leaning in a bit as Usnavi placed a fist to his mouth, covering his shaky laughter. His other hand tipped down the brim of his hat. There was a strange warmth that washed over him, and it wasn’t just the summer heat of the city beating down on the corner store. Usnavi wasn’t use to having a charismatic customer like Johan…it was nice talking to someone who wasn’t a regular. A clean slate. Usnavi found the courage to meet Johan’s gaze and didn’t question why he found himself smiling wider at the sight of him.  
  
“How do you like your coffee?” Sonny’s voice broke both their gazes,forcing Johan to look over at Sonny and Usnavi to look down at his counter.  
  
“Hm… “ He looked over the store again, “I’m going to guess you don’t serve freshly ground beans?”  
  
Usnavi smirked shaking his head a bit, “Sadly we don’t grind our own beans but we have the best coffee in New York.” The shorter man turned around and picked up a yellow tin can and placed it in front of Johan. “May I entice your senses to the single most amazing brand, the very lifeblood of our people. Bustelo Coffee.” He motioned to the can, Johan rolled his eyes but his smile was wider than ever. “I recommend drinking it light and sweet unless you want to put some hair on your chest then black.”  
**  
**

“Whats a couple more hairs on my body.” Johan answered, and Usnavi’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I’ll take it the way you do.” He swallowed again.  
  
“I flip between light and sweet or straight black… I usually go for a happy medium.” Usnavi answered honestly unable to come up with something else that was clever. Sonny was much better at this banter, the playful kind, after a while Usnavi’s natural shyness and word fumbling came out.  
  
“I’ll take the happy medium then.” Johan was actually relaxing now, Sonny had placed a breakfast sandwich on a paper plate for him, spiced sausage with a runny egg and a couple of avocado slices. All between some buttered, toasted buns. Johan was in mid bite, enjoying the smooth, spicy, creamy sensation of a perfectly balanced sandwich when Rainbow walked into the store.  
  
“There you are! Do you know why the car is locked I swore I left it unlock..” She walked over to Johan, his mouth full of food. She looked over at Usnavi and smiled brightly.  
  
“Good Morning” He beamed politely. “…also I recommend not leaving your car unlocked. I don’t think anyone around here would rob it but I know plenty of knucklehead kids who would gladly take a nap in a car with an a/c”  
  
“Jesus, I do that one time and I never hear the end of it.” Sonny groaned, “the guy didn’t even press charges.” Usnavi chuckled, giving Johan some time to chew before addressing his this woman, was this the sister he mentioned?   
  
“Where have you been?” Johan glanced over at her, running his thumb against the corner of his lips to save a morsel of food. He was damn hungry and this was a damn good sandwich even for his palette.   
  
“I was looking for someone to give me directions, I ran into several people but…we had a bit of a language barrier.” She blushed a bit, “I didn’t think my Spanish was too bad.”  
  
From the look she was giving him, and the fact she was empty handed oh it must have been bad. Johan didn’t say that out loud though. “I got directions, no thanks to you. It just proves my resourcefulness in the city surpasses your weird romanticized ideals of this city.”  
  
“You’re Welcome!” Sonny called out from the back again.  
  
Rainbow shook her head, “Ok, fine, maybe you’re a little more savvy than I am. But this city is a lot nicer than you say it is.” She jabbed her finger into Johan’s arm. She turned to Usnavi and Sonny smiling, “Thank you for the directions, Johan pick me up a coffee, I’m going to get in the car before we get hit with a ticket!” Bow scampered out of the store. Johan felt eyes on him, Usnavi’s eyes who were staring up at him with a thousand questions.  
  
“So you think the city is pretty bad huh?” Usnavi accused in a way that sounded playful but Johan still felt guilty.  
  
“Blame the media falsely glorifying the common chicanery about New York.” He blushed a bit, Usnavi’s face softened. “…but she’s right, New York is a lot nicer than I imagined…” Perhaps, that or the people were nicer than he expected. “My sister and I will be here for a while so who knows, I might pop by for the ‘best coffee in New York’” Johan grabbed the remainder of his sandwiches and the coffee, playing for everything with a ten. “Keep the change.”  
  
Usnavi cranked his neck a bit watching Johan leave. His eyes glued to the man’s retreating back as he slid back into the 2016 Impala. He was left with only more questions, who was that strange human being. The entire time he realized he got no name from him. Nothing, just knowledge he was here and he might come back. A tender smile started to inch its way across his face.  
  
“Sweet, if he turns into a regular that HAS to make up for me being late~ Right?” Sonny smirked, Usnavi would have barked something back at him. Instead he was silent. “Usnavi?” He blinked a few times, watching his cousin. From the side all he could see was his brother’s face as the car drove off and left their store. Sonny glanced at the empty space where the car had been then back at his cousin wondering what was going on. When the answer came from Usnavi’s mouth.  
  
“You think he’ll actually come back?”


	2. Takin' Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so like…the more parts I make, the more parts I think up. This might be never ending fluff. (until I kill it all with Angst c:< ) Also I’m really happy I get to use my native New Yorker knowledge for something other than giving people directions via subway.  
> Summary: Johan is pretty jazzed about being in New York or rather seeing a cute bodega owner. Ft. Team Benny and Sonny. (idk why but they turned into Timon and Pumba in my head, I kinda dig it)

New York wasn’t so bad. So what, Johan wasn’t sitting balcony side at some cute Parisian building, looking out at cobblestone streets enjoying a mid-morning glass of wine and fruit. People driving small scooters and walking hand in hand with paper bagged goods from the local stores. The air thick with the smells of wine and rose water perfumes. No he was far from the debonair lifestyle of his beloved France. He was however, for two days now, enjoying the company of a local store owner. A man who’s strange, quiet like charm held together by the soft warmth of a hard working face captured Johan’s attention. Johan was a little surprised he found himself thinking about that smile as often as he did. The spirit of NY was consuming him. The hotel they stayed at was up to snuff, Bow didn’t think it necessary to get two rooms so here he was, sharing a bed with his sister like the good old days. The days when it was four hippies and a sleeping bag on the forest floor, oh how Johan did not miss those days.

 Johan woke up from his idled daydreams and pulled himself to his feet. He walked to the bathroom and began playing music on his phone. By the time he was out of the bathroom, Bow was awake too; sitting crossed legged on the bed reading through the room service menu. “You think they’d care if I order some pancakes with a side of dill pickles? You know…so I can dunk it in syrup or cream cheese…both” Her voice trailed off.

 “First of all, that’s disgusting.” Johan ran a towel through his wet curls. He pulled a few curls into place, taking extra time to make sure not hair was out of place. “Secondly, you’re pregnant so who cares?” He tossed the towel aside and placed his phone on top of the dresser. The music played while he picked out clothes. Usually Johan didn’t care what he wore. He, more than often, tossed on any of his nice European brand clothing on but since his arrival to the city he had been meticulously picking items for an outfit. Bow placed the menu down and pursed her lips a bit. She noticed there was something strange going on with her little brother.

 Johan began to hum along to the music playing on his phone. “Sinatra? I didn’t know you were a fan of crooners?” Bow tilted her head.

 “I never said I wasn’t.” Johan ignored her, his attention was on his reflection.. “When in Rome do as the Romans did.” In this case New York. Johan shook his head, struggling between a few options. Bow could see through his nonchalant response that something was up. It was time to do what she did best as his big sister and a mother of almost five.

 Probe like the last colonoscopy she oversaw last week. “So where are you going?” Johan seemed to freeze. Dreaded words filled with a sneaky accusation.

 “Just…going to grab a local cup of coffee, you know truly submerge myself in New York culture.” He avoided her big sister/motherly gaze. It was as potent as the lasso of truth. “When I was back in France I drank nothing but the local wines, I really got a deep appreciation for the agriculture and taste of the country.”  

 “I’m pretty sure that coffee you’ve been drinking is imported from Cuba.” Wonder Woman Bow smirked a little, Johan flinched, she knew? No she couldn’t have known…lucky guess. “Well whoever you’re meeting have fun, you should invite them to the luncheon tomorrow.”

 “Yes because spending an afternoon with pill pushing pharmaceutical slaves under the health care regime is even more fun with friends.” Johan grabbed his wallet and started out the door. He was met with a finger being pointed at him.

 “See, this is why I’m the favorite.” And on that note, he was out.

 Morning rush in New York happened around the hours of 8am-9. These were the times business men were hopping on the Metro North to get to the city. School buses were trying to beat the public transportation overload and most importantly, shops were cranking out coffee and breakfast like machines. After that it was a dead zone until lunch time. Usnavi kept his shop open even after the morning rush; the routine was he was open no matter what. The chance of losing just one customer could make the difference between meeting rent or not. A man like Usnavi was hard working and wasted not a single opportunity to turn a profit from every customer. Sonny knew for a fact if he was a more reliable employee Usnavi **might** be inclined to take a break.

 The door creaked open around eleven o’clock and Usnavi was in the back moving things around from the refrigerator. He balanced a screwdriver between his teeth while he meddled with the finicky cooling component of the cheap cooler. “Good Morning” he muttered. After a few more seconds of messing around and a few grease stains later he emerged from the back.“Sorry about that, I hope you weren’t waiting…” He spoke, and very slowly the head of hair he was talking to turned and Johan smiled at him. Usnavi froze in mid-stride. He was …back.

“Bonjour.” Johan smiled, having internally slapped himself. Was that the best he came up with? Usnavi still silent, Johan managed to recovered. “That coffee is worth the trip, I don’t know what is in that yellow container but its potent.”

 “Well it is what keeps folks in the barrio moving.” Usnavi finally found his voice as the waves of shock subsided. “I’ll get you started.” Usnavi went around the counter and felt …nervous? He made coffee millions no billions of times. He had been brewing by the time his mother taught him how to reach the stove. All of this was second nature so why of all times did his hand shake now? He felt eyes on him and the shakes intensified. Usnavi made the poor mistake of looking up and found he was right, Johan was looking right at him. “Heh” his lips twitched trying to hold a smile together. All of the sudden his fingers malfunctioned and the coffee scoop (filled with fine ground up coffee powder) slipped out of grasp. The fine brown espresso powder scattered all over the ground. What a waste, and more important, Johan saw the whole thing. “Mierda” he hissed bending over to retrieve it.

 Johan tried not to laugh, he didn’t know Spanish but he damn knew that ‘mierda’ sounded a lot like ‘merde’. He tilted his head watching Usnavi bend over and search the floor for his coffee scoop. Without thinking his eyes slid up from his legs and settled on something…else. He had a nice a–  _woah_! Johan noticed Usnavi was standing upright now and he had his eyes clearly on the man’s behind. He wrenched his head away quickly. Luckily for him, Usnavi didn’t seem to have noticed where Johan’s eyes had gone. What he did notice was what a nice profile Johan had. A strong jaw, perfectly groomed facial hair, long lashes, a regal yet strangely cute nose. Not to mention that hair that framed him so well, some men were just born good looking. Usnavi wasn’t one of them in his eyes but he didn’t complain having one to look at.

 After an unsuccessful few tries he finally got Johan’s coffee ready and placed it in front of him. Before Johan could reach for the coffee Usnavi spoke up, “On the house.” Usnavi rarely did that, last time he gave someone something on the house was…he turned around going back to work; figuring Johan wanted to be on his way.

 Instead, Johan stared down at the coffee. Personally he would have been offended someone giving him a hand out. He was more than financially capable. There would have been a lecture about his brotherhood and his integrity had it been someone else. There was something genuinely sweet Usnavi had tried to do. Something like that wasn’t common in Johan’s life, little acts of honest-to-god sweetness. “Is generosity common trait of New York City?”

 Usnavi perked up, Johan didn’t leave right away. Usnavi didn’t dare believe he actually wanted to hang around the store. If he could keep his company a bit longer, he was going to try. “Depends where you look.” He spoke casually, moving around the assortment of knickknacks he sold behind the counter. “I like to think the city is filled with undiscovered bits of generosity.”

 “I wish I had the navigational know-how to show me this ‘undiscovered bits.’ ” Johan realized only after he spoke, there was an invitation in his sentence, one he didn’t take back. “This city is a little confusing for someone like me, the streets of Paris were so…how do I say, si simpliste” The accent brought that warm smile to Usnavi’s face. Would he take the invitation?

 It was a shame Usnavi was dense. “It’s not too hard, New York is on a grid, once you know up and down you can get most anywhere. I can get you a map if you want?”

 He was too dense, it was painfully innocent. Johan was a bit discouraged that Usnavi didn’t seem to take the hit…Johan himself didn’t know why he had said those things. What was he hoping for? “Thanks, uh…I’ll take it from here.” Johan seemed a little embarrassed. He got his hopes up for something he didn’t even know he wanted. He turned and walked out of the store quickly, hoping to leave his embarrassment behind.

 Usnavi watched him go, following him with his eyes until he was out of sight. Usnavi stared at the window for a while, overcome with a feeling of…loss. In that instance he felt both anxious and stuck. He felt like he had to run or something but at the same time his legs were stiff, his feet planted on the ground. Where would he go if he allowed his body to move? Where did he want to go? His urges of action came few and far between, he was a man of routine. There were moments though, moments that moved him into action.

The big haired Californian was looking around, walking up the avenue watching for any signs. He actually had no idea where he was headed. “Wait!” Johan turned around and saw the Hispanic store owner run towards him. By the time he caught up with Johan, Usnavi was well out of breath. Johan had no idea what he was doing, neither did Usnavi. But the moment was decided when Usnavi chose Johan over his store. “I…I would feel really bad if you got lost in the Heights.” Usnavi looked up at him, this was probably the closest they had stood next to each other. Usnavi was a small guy but now he felt like he had shrank. “If that’s ok, with you.” He stood there, nerves bouncing inside him. A part of him wanted to go back the store. The safety of what he knew.

 “Of course, lead the way.” Johan brought the cup to his mouth and sipped, masking the huge grin on his face.

* * *

 

 

 “Sonny?!” A stocky, tall, tanned skinned man with a loose fitting button up came running towards the store front. He found Sonny sitting with his head between his knees. “Sonny I got the call, this better be an emergency. I just left Nina with teething one year old who has intense diaper rash and is going through a post nap time cranky fit.” He didn’t respond, “Sonny?…”

 “Benny…” Sonny spoke with his head down still. “Look at the store and tell me what you see?”

 Benny scratched his head and looked it over. Nothing seemed out of place, the grate was down, the windows seemed intact. “I think your a/c is busted” He pointed to steam coming out the side of the shop.

 “No, its closed Benny. The store is closed.” Sonny looked up at him with watery eyes, slowly Benny’s eyes widened in realization. “B-Benny, Usnavi never closes shop. Ever. Not now! Lunch rush is coming up soon. And like…I’ve tried calling his phone and nada, nothing, zippo. I think something happened to him, man!” He got to his feet and started pacing and mumbling.

 “Did you call the cops?”

 “Oh yeah I’m going to call the cops to search for a missing Hispanic guy? Here lemme take out my joint while I’m at it to!” He shook his head. “Cops won’t do anything but arrest him, this is 2017 Benny! Trump’s America!” Benny rolled his eyes, he didn’t keep up with the social justice movements. As long as his friends and family were safe he tried to stay out of the mess that their country was getting itself into. Though, he was mildly curious about the joint. “Aye dios mio, mi primo, aye primo…” Sonny clutched his chest in worry. “USNAVI! WHERE ARE YOU, MY MAN” He suddenly yelled out into the air, forcing Benny to take several steps away from him. The idea of counseling Sonny to deal with his rationally was replaced by an elderly man pushing a shaved ice cart.

 “Estan buscando señor Usnavi?” The Piragua man smiled peacefully.

 “Yea we are, also can I get cherry?” Benny took out a dollar, figuring he might as well treat himself. “Have you seen Usnavi?”

 The old man took his time shaving the ice with his steel shaver, shaping it into a cone shape and dousing it with thick, red cherry syrup. Sonny was sweating bullets by the time he spoke, handing the treat to Benny. “He’s down a few blocks at, de Washington parque. I saw him talking to another señor, tall man. Un hombre peludo.” He made a fluffing gesture over his head with his hand.

 “Gracias.” Benny smiled then turned back at Sonny who was narrowing his eyes. At least he wasn’t about to cry. “See?” Benny ignored the straw and spoon; he bit off a chunk of ice at the tip and swallowed. “Usnavi is fine.”

 “…why did he close the store to go to the park? And who is the hairy man?” Sonny looked over at Benny. Benny started to chew a bit slower.

 “Usnavi never takes a break…man hasn’t taken a break from working the store since…” He wasn’t going to even attempt to do the math on that one.

 “Yo, let’s go check out the park, if we book it we can see if they’re still there!” Sonny grabbed Benny’s arm and tugged.

 The larger man let out a soft chuckle, “Sonny, I gotta get back to Nina.”

 “Come on, your kid will still be there when you get back. Don’t tell me ya not dying to know who the hell got Usnavi to take a break.” Sonny wiggled his eyebrow. Benny weighed his options, go back to his cranky wife and child or …take a few more minutes from his day to indulge in the ol’ fashion tomfoolery of the barrio. “That’s what I thought.” Sonny smirked, feeling Benny’s arm relax. “Vamos”

* * *

 

 

The park wasn’t actually called the Washington Bridge Park, it was actually named J.Hood Wright Park. However it was located in Washington Heights and overlooked the edge of the city, having a near flawless sight of the bridge. The playground was also inspired by the Washington Bridge, white and mint green steel bars were built in the shape of the bridge. It was a great place for kids who wanted to climb, but that aside it had the common perks of most parks. Swings, sprinklers but Usnavi remembered it mainly for the sights. On the way to the park he had pointed out little things, the track and field center, and the best places to get a slice of pizza. When they got to the park, Usnavi popped a squat on a swing, most of the playground empty since kids were still at school in early June.

 “It doesn’t look like much but this park as one of the nicest views.” He smiled, “I’m sure parks in California are better…and in France right?”

 “Well.” Johan ran a napkin over the swing seat before sitting down too. “Growing up my parents never allowed my sister and I to partake in the joys of going to a playground. They uh, said that playgrounds were the government’s way of justifying their blatant destruction of trees and natural resources for artificial outdoor entertainment.” He rolled his eyes; it was so typical of his parents to have these beliefs.

 Usnavi nodded slowly not sure what half of that even meant. “…yeah I wasn’t big on playgrounds. I helped my dad out with the store on my free time. Usually I took a minute or two just to enjoy the view.” …and now it had been awhile since he did that.  

 “You’ve worked in that store a long time, huh?” He knew for sure he couldn’t do it. Johan always wanted to be on the move. One minute he was there, next somewhere else, the world was his high way and he was in a high speed chase in life. Sticking around in anything for too long wasn’t his style. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 An extremely exhausted sigh came out of Usnavi. Johan turned his head and noticed he looked…so tired. In one moment Usnavi aged before Johan’s eyes. The warmth in his greeting, the brightness in his wholesome attitude melted away to a tired man. “It’s been in my blood since I got here with my parents as a kid. They made it something out of nothing, now it’s my something to keep going. It’s all I got of theirs.” His eyes closed just as a soft summery wind blew against them. There was a sadness that washed over him. Johan didn’t know what to do, how to bring him back. He didn’t deal with emotions like this before.

 “Well…you’re here.” Johan smiled a bit, it was a bit forced. He didn’t know how to be happy when Usnavi looked so down. “The store might be their investment but their legacy…their lineage thats you. And no matter what you do, you’ll have them with you. You are them…” Usnavi’s eyes slowly opened; there was a thick layer of water that draped over his eyes. “Literally, like you are half of both of your parents’ genetics, so like…you really are them.”

 “Ha!” He laughed out loud, he snorted a bit. He ran his hand over his eyes capturing any tears that had tried to weasel out of his eyes and wiped them away. “…yeah…you right.” His smile returned a bit brighter than before. Their eyes met for a second and they sat there in silence, rocking back and forth on the swings. “So how do you like your first swing set?”

 “The leather is a bit flimsy but you know…” He shifted his butt in the seat and nodded. “I can live with this.”

 The laughter erupted from both of them. It filled the empty playground and the ears of two eager onlookers. “Why are they just sittin’ around in a park?” Benny spoke between the last few bits of his cherry slush. “Why would Usnavi close up shop just to creep around in the park with some dude?”

 “I can’t believe this…” Sonny pressed his face up against the fence listening to their laugher, watching the way they looked at eachother as it died down. “Don’t tell me you don’t see this shit?” Benny shook his head a bit. “You don’t see what I’m seein?!” Sonny motioned to them. “Look them, cozying up by the swings, laughing like this is some high school musical shit. I swear they are two seconds away from breaking out in song and dance about how life is wonderful.” Sonny knew that look, he was around his cousin enough to know that look. He had seen that looked before.

“Wait you don’t mean…”

 “Como no!? Miralo!” He motioned as Usnavi and Johan moved from the swings and started walking towards the back fence where the park looked out over the Hudson. “He’s even taking him where the trees are probably making a move.”

 “Makes sense why things with Vanessa didn’t work out…actually come to think of it, I should have seen this coming.” Benny finished off his slush and shrugged. “Ok so Usnavi bats for the Mets and not the Yankees, what’s the big deal?”

 “What is th—when things didn’t work out with Vanessa after all that went down that summer, he was crazy.” Benny shook his head as Sonny began to elaborate. “Benny, you don’t get it. He was super …just…upset and took it out on me for 3 months straight. He had me scrubbin’ the bottom of the coolers until one night I found his ass eating four pints of Ben&Jerry’s in the corner of the store.”

 “Wow.” Four pints, that was a lot even for a guy Benny’s size. “So what are you…saying this is a bad thing?”

 “It is if it don’t work out. I can’t take another heartbreak.” The young man whined.

 Benny shook his head patting Sonny’s back. “I’m so glad you’re looking out for Usnavi.” He muttered sarcastically. “Look, if it happens it happens. I always told Usnavi he’s his worst enemy. He doesn’t know how to make moves and frankly he ain’t go no skills.” Personally Benny would have be surprised if things had worked out between Usnavi and Vanessa. Once she officially moved downtown Usnavi …didn’t seem to chase her. It was the same when Nina and Benny moved a few blocks away, they rarely saw Usnavi like they use to. The man was literally cemented to his corner. “Ok. I know what we gotta do.” He grabbed Sonny by the back of the shirt and peeled him off the fence.

Usnavi and Johan talked casually. They spoke about the little things that didn’t seem to have too much weight. They compared the weather, taxes, occasionally Johan said something that flew over Usnavi’s head and there was a lot of nodded and blank smiling involved. But there was never a moment neither one wasn’t engaged. Usnavi listened with a smile and Johan hung on every word Usnavi said. “So …your parents named you U.S. Navy?” Johan stifled a laugh and glanced up at the sky. He could feel Usnavi’s glare on him.

 “Yes, laugh it up.” Usnavi pouted, throwing his hand up in the air. This wasn’t the first time someone had to comment on his name. “My parents were so excited about the country they named me US Navy.”

 “That’s…”

 “Stupid, I know. Trust me you’re not the first person to think that. It’s annoying to explain, annoying to correct people, it’s annoying to live with but I’ve gone practically three decades like this so what.” This was just bringing him back to being a child again and having kids poke and probe at his name and origin.

 “I was going to say it’s adorable.” Johan responded sweetly after Usnavi went off on his small tangent. “I mean my parents named my sister Rainbow and me, Johan. It’s like they didn’t try with my sister, and semi tried. Like I feel like John was their initial idea then they just got weird with it.”

 “Johan is a lot easier to say.” Usnavi’s voice was dull. His mouth stuck in a seldom, little pout that broke Johan’s heart in ways he didn’t think possible. Why did a grown man evoke so many childlike feelings in him?

 “I rather say your name.” Johan responded, he wanted to erase that pout. For both Usnavi’s sake and Johan’s own heart. “ _Usnavi_.” He very slowly and articulately said his name. There was a noticeable response from Usnavi. His body tensed up and his mouth released itself from its pout. Instead it was pursed together in a hard line meanwhile his body suffered from a jittery, nerve tingling sensation that crawled up his spine. He felt like fire ants were conga lining up and down his back and around his face. Hot and almost static like pains that set his heart fluttering. He was speechless. He never liked his name but god did it sound nice coming from Johan’s mouth. He wanted to hear it again.

 “ **USNAV** I!”

 Usnavi blinked up at Johan, that wasn’t his voice. “S-Sonny!?” His heart was now racing for another reason entirely. “BENNY? His panic increased tenfold now.

 “Sup’” Benny didn’t look too happy, his eyes went right to Johan. Clearly, he was sizing this man up. Benny and Sonny made their ways towards Johan. The taller man glanced at Usnavi as if saying ‘what is happening?’

 Usnavi gave him an apologetic smile, which was short, lived since Sonny decided to plant himself in front of Usnavi breaking their wordless conversation of gazes. “So I don’t think we ever got around to introducin’ ourselves. I’m Sonny, Sonny De La Vega. Usnavi’s little and beloved cousin.” From the way Usnavi was glaring at the back of his younger cousin’s head he was going to be his beloved, dead cousin. “You?”

 “Johan, Johan Johnson.” He nodded holding out his hand but Sonny didn’t take it. Instead it was met with the strong and irony vice grip of Benny. He shook Johan’s hand once and got his knuckles to pop. A small wince graced Johan’s face. “Hello.” He tried to smile but Benny’s harden face was thoroughly intimidating. They were roughly the same height but Benny’s aura made him seem like a giant.

 “Name is Benny.” He released Johan’s hand and smirked. “Just Benny. Usnavi is a dear and near friend of mine. Godfather to my baby girl. Mi compadre.” He pulled Usnavi front and center, placing his arm around his small shoulders. “So, tell me Johan what are your intentions with our Navi? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?” He shot typical fatherly questions, getting a lesson of overprotective parenting from his father in-law. He considered this practice for the inevitable future of his daughter.

 “YO.” Usnavi hissed shoving Benny aside, which really did nothing but Benny moved accordingly. “Cut it out.” He grumbled between his teeth. He pulled Benny aside and started cussing him out in Spanish keeping his voice hushed. They left a very confused Johan to the mercy of Sonny.

 “So like, if you’re gonna be in New York for a while, you should come to my graduation party” Sonny’s invitation forced Usnavi and Benny to look at him and share a unison, ‘QUE?’ “I’m graduating community college with honors, which like…isn’t big or anything but not a lot of people in our hood get to do it. So Usnavi is throwing me a party at his place” Sonny blushed a bit, “if you’re around you should pop by.”

 “Graduating is a big feat no matter the schooling.” Johan nodded, this was a good chance to see how Usnavi lived. Get to know the people around him; get to know him most importantly. That was something he could not pass up. “I’d love to go.”

 “Cool, I’ll tell Navi to cough up his digits, he can message you the address and time.” Sonny turned around with his back to Johan. He stared down his cousin’s face of frozen horror with a lazy smirk. “Anyway, I gotta get going. Lunch rush is startin’ soon, gotta open the store.” Sonny walked off with his hands behind his head.

 Benny nodded; impressed Sonny had sly skills to hook up his cousin. Anyone who knew Usnavi knew he was never going to give up his phone number just like that. “I’m heading out too, Nina is probably going to rip my head off if I don’t go back. See you around Usnavi” His smile turned into a hard line as he addressed Johan next, “You too.”

 “They seem nice.” The way Johan said that made it hard to infer whether it was sarcasm or not. Usnavi was still horrified over what happened. Processing everything like a slow dial-up computer, if Johan listened really well he could hear the AOL loading sound coming from Usnavi’s brain. “I look forward to the party. We should probably exchange numbers…that is if you’re alright with me going. I assume this is a family and close friends’ event. I’d understand if you feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger attending.”

 The problem wasn’t Johan attending. The problem was Johan was going to be in a room of people, that Usnavi barely knew how to deal with himself. At his own house “No… I, uh, its fine, the more the merrier right?” Usnavi’s fingers trembled as he pulled out his dated iPhone 4s from his pocket. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for Johan’s number. “Here” he muttered holding the phone out in front of him, his face and eyes casted to the side unable to look at him. Very delicately Johan took the ancient piece of Apple technology and inputted his number into the phone. While he was at it, he sent himself a message and in return had Usnavi’s number. Just in case the man decided never to speak to him again. Just as carefully he plopped the phone back in Usnavi’s open palm.

 “I’ll see you then.” Johan had long finished his coffee, but he held the cup to his face as a censor to his glowing smile. It did little to mask his full, toothy grin. Those perfectly, pearly whites in the most wholesome of smiles made Usnavi twitch where he stood.

 “See you then.” Usnavi nodded in agreement. Johan walked off, and like the first time Usnavi followed him with his eyes. He watched as Johan paused at a corner, the light was for him to cross but he stood there. Probably lost, Usnavi thought to himself. The taller man was only proving to be more and more adorable as Usnavi picked apart his every move. To his surprise he started walking again, barely catching the light. By the time he vanished from his sight, Usnavi’s phone buzzed. He had several missed calls and unanswered messages from Sonny. He ignored them all.

 There was one message that he could not ignore. A message from a ‘Johan’ and it read.

**[  See you :)  ]**

Usnavi walked with his nose in his phone. He reread the message several times. Was Johan excited to see him again? Is that why he texted him? Or was this just a reminder to send him the address; did that count as being excited? Was Johan as strangely excited as he was? Probably not. Usnavi knew his feelings had a knack of getting away from him. Still…he reread that message the whole way back. Not bothering to look up and watch where he was going. He entered his, now open, store looking up with a dazed smile. “Uh…” The smile was short-lived when he was met by Sonny and Benny.

 Both men were standing by his counter, arms crossed, smirking widely with millions of questions burning in their eyes. “So?” Benny wiggled his eyebrow.

 Crap, Usnavi wasn’t prepared for the full force interrogation that was about to commence. He tucked his phone into his back pocket and prepared himself for the worse.


	3. Suavemente! Dance with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi is shitting bricks that Johan is coming over to meet his family&friends. ft. hints of Benina Sonny+Pete, and the gossip girls

Day of Sonny’s graduation party, a feat that everyone in the barrio wanted to partake in, Usnavi was in the kitchen. Sonny’s nose led him there, following the wafting aroma of sugary, cinnamon and vanilla. “Mm something smells good~ Que cocinas?” He made a beeline to the covered pot only to be met with the hot, swiftness of a wooden spoon slapping the back of his knuckles. “DAMN! That hurt!” He hissed, taking back his hand. He kissed the back of his knuckles, watching Usnavi move in front of the pot like a guard dog.

“Its arroz con leche” Usnavi smirked, watching Sonny’s eyes gleam with delight. “Abuela Claudia’s old recipe.”

“No way, Abuela gave you her famous recipe for her rice pudding?” Everyone in the barrio knew that Abuela Claudia (god rest her soul) had the best rice pudding recipe in all of Manhattan. She could have made thousands maybe millions if she patented it. But like most good things they were only meant to be shared with loved ones.

“Nah” Usnavi shook his head then tapped the side of his temple. “I use to stand around and watch her cook back when she babysat me. I got it all memorized.” Those were simpler days. Now everything was different, abuela had passed on,  Sonny was looking at a four year school. Nina and Benny were newlyweds and new parents, Vanessa was living her life, and Pete even seemed to move out of the streets. And yet, Usnavi was still here. The money had been put into savings for both of them, Usnavi had some plans what to do with his money but as always he had trouble really making moves.

Meanwhile Sonny…was itching to finally touch his share of money. “So…I was wondering, since I’ve been making strides to a better future. I’m a lot more responsible and shit…you think I could get a few hundred?” He smiled a bit, Usnavi’s silence unnerved him a little. “Look you, said you’d hand over my share when you felt like I was ready to handle that cash. And I am.”

“No me diga…” Usnavi rolled his eyes keeping his eye on the pot. “And what do you plan to do with a couple hundred?”

“I’m bein’ serious!” Sonny’s voice took a desperate whine like tone. He was losing this battle before he could state his case. “I…wanna go out West.” Sonny’s pleads only elicited a hard, sarcastic laugh from Usnavi.

“He hasn’t even left yet and you’re planning on dropping money on him?” Usnavi placed the spoon down and turned to his younger cousin who was giving him all the stank eyes. “Pete isn’t a future, I want you to invest smart. Abuela Claudia put me in charge of her money, to be smart.”

“All you’ve done is let it sit in the bank, collecting dust.” Sonny narrowed his eyes. He jutted his chin out a little taking a harder stand against Usnavi’s tight hold on their small fortune.

“Its collecting interest, Sonny, you’re not touching that money. That’s your future.” As his older cousin, Usnavi was more than prepared to put Sonny down and remind him who was in charge. After all, Usnavi was Sonny’s only constant adult and role model.   
  
****“ **I love him**.” Sonny answered boldly. Usnavi’s parental facade fell apart instantly.  
  


**  
**He met Usnavi’s surprised eyes with his own gaze of immovable ambition. Usnavi’s eyes were colored in every shade of concern and worry. “I know you don’t think I know what I’m doing, but I love Pete. You don’t know Pete like I know him, ok?” Sonny’s face turned a few shades brighter. “If you won’t let me have my own money, then I’ll use my own.” Of course it would take him a longer to make enough money for a trip to California. Usnavi was still undone by how certain Sonny sounded. He was so much younger than him, Usnavi remembered him in diapers and yet…Sonny seemed to concrete about the things he wanted in life. Like he wasn’t scared, like he knew something beyond his years, Sonny walked out of the kitchen. He wasn’t in the mood to fight the day of his graduation celebration. He focused on the fact everyone was going to be together again, celebrating him. **  
**

 

Usnavi followed him after lowering the burner flame on his rice pudding. “How…do you know you love him?” He asked quietly.

“What?” Sonny shot him a glare, still upset over their little discussion. His anger subsided. There was something about Usnavi’s voice and stance that made him soften a bit. He looked…uncomfortable? Worried? Sonny wasn’t sure, Usnavi’s eyes were glued to the ground as he spoke in a softer, uneasy tone.

 

“How…did you find you that you even…were like…” He swayed a bit unable to find a good word to fit what he was trying to say.

Though only one word came to Sonny’s mind, “how did I know I was gay?” He chuckled. “I mean…I dunno.” The older man frowned, meeting Sonny’s smile. Clearly the answer did not sit well with him so Sonny decided to dive a bit deeper. “I guess…I’ve always been a little different, other guys talked about girlfriends and I never had much to say. It wasn’t like I was born knowing I liked dudes or anything. I just…didn’t have any feelings towards them, then all of the sudden…”

Usnavi watched as Sonny’s eyes looked up, as if watching something from a distance, something only he could see and relive in his memories. “All of the sudden what? Finish your goddamn sentence Sonny.”

“The night of the blackout…Pete stayed with me, helped me fight off thugs. He broke out fireworks. You know I was scared shitless, I tried to act tough and had a bat in my hand. The moment Pete told me to back up I felt…safe and I knew. It wasn’t like something was missing it was more like, things made more sense all of the sudden. All the empty weird moments I had brushed aside, Pete answered them. I just knew because it felt like” He opened his closed fists up and fanned his hands out towards the ceiling a ‘boom’ sound with his mouth. “Fireworks.”

“Gay fireworks?” Usnavi did the same had motion with less enthusiasm and more sarcasm. “You just know that you were into Pete and that’s it? Boom, you’re ok with it?”

“What’s not to be ok about? I love Pete, Pete loves me. Pete is a dude, I am a dude. I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. So I didn’t come out the womb screaming that I was into dudes…that doesn’t mean nothin’.” Sonny looked over to the kitchen and whistled. “Oye, the pot is hissin’ is the rice suppose to do that?”

 

“Crap!” He ran back to the kitchen. Usnavi didn’t ask anymore questioned after that. He didn’t know why he wanted to know. It wasn’t like it mattered to him, Sonny was family, blood, he’d love him no matter what. As the day went on, Usnavi was electric. He answered the door after the first knock and each time he grew a little more and more disappointed when it wasn’t who he thought. By the time five rolled around, his house was backed with everyone. It was like a barrio reunion. Benny and Nina made it out with their baby girl. Danielle and Carla came over, bringing food of their own to the party. Nina’s parents arrived, everyone was here but…

“Why is Usnavi just sitting there, Baila nino!” Daniela shouted over the upbeat salsa number playing.

Sonny chuckled watching Usnavi has he paced the living room, acting like he was small talking but really he was eyeing that door like a hawk or…a puppy. “Nah, he’s waiting for someone special?”

Daniela arched her eyebrow giving Sonny that ‘look’ she knew something. “Well don’t tell anyone I told you, but I hear Vanessa might show up.”

Carla and Sonny both leaned in a bit, “NO ME DIGA” the practically shouted in unison.

 

“It’s true, I called her an hour ago before I arrived and she said she was getting ready” The girls giggling to themselves, perhaps they were going to witness chapter two of Usnavi’s trails of winning over Vanessa. “I never understood why he ever let her go.”

“What? I thought Vanessa dropped Usnavi, he was heartbroken.” Sonny shook his head, no way his cousin ended anything with Vanessa he was in love with her.

“Das’ not what Nessa told me.” Daniela argued. Sonny’s brows knitted together, either way Vanessa being here was enough to make him wonder. What was Usnavi going to do? After a few more hours, like Daniela said Vanessa arrived. The exchange between her and Usnavi was…tense. He smiled awkwardly, putting a hand up as she nodded and smiled back at him. Sonny didn’t know who ended what but whatever happened must have ended on a sour note. Neither looked happy.

Benny wandered his way to Sonny and muttered, “I think his friend isn’t coming…”

“I know…” Sonny frowned, tapping his finger against his glass. Usnavi had spent most of the night eyeing the door so long he could have burned a hole through it. When with a defeated frown he began to drink…and drink…

“Sonny do something, Usnavi is five drinks in and he’s going to do something stupid real soon.” Benny nudged him. Sonny nodded, it was time Usnavi got cut off. He handed over his drink to Benny and made his way to his now drunk cousin. He was entertaining Vanessa and the girls with a story about what he found in the cooler two weeks ago.

 

“And it was a malido raton DIS BIG” He held up his hands at least a foot apart. The girls exchanged worried glances as Usnavi cackled. A pair of hands came down on his shoulders and squeezed him a little. “Sonny!! Primoito! Can you believe this guy right here is going to a four year school?”

“Yes we’re all proud of you Sonny” Nina smiled happy that the conversation topic went away from his rat story. “It’s not a walk in the park, but take it from me, take your time, breathe and remember we’re all here for you.”

“Thanks, Nina.” Sonny smiled at Nina, she went back to feeding her baby giving Sonny a moment to whisper into Usnavi’s ear. “Hey cuz, maybe you should chilax, you’re hittin’ the drinks kinda hard.”

“Sonny, I gotta tell you something…you right.” Usnavi he half slurred the words. “You deserve to see Pete, so ima let you take the money for your tickets.”

 

Suddenly drunk Usnavi was anything but a problem. “Yo, seriously?!”

“Yesssss, como no? You’re in love right? You cannot let that love slip away, trust me I know. Take the tickets, why don’t you go…OH! For for Christmas! No New Year’s…Both. You can be his gift from me to him” Usnavi beamed, his entire face beat red. He kissed Sonny’s cheeks and left him at a loss for words for a good minute.

“Thank you! Thank you Navi, I’m going to get them right now. Man…” A very small part of Sonny knew this was entirely the booze talking. But booze was getting him a round trip to California in December. He was not going to question it. Sonny disappeared to book the tickets long before Usnavi could sober up and take it back.

Benny slapped his forehead with his hand watching Sonny fail at taming Usnavi. Once again, Benny to the rescue. He walked over just as the doorbell went off. Usnavi made no move to answer it. Benny eyed Usnavi’s shaky hand as he pour himself another drink and the door went off again. “I’ve got it.” He opened the door and to his surprise. Johan was standing there. He was out of breath, somewhat sweaty and dressed in a nice suit, far too formal for the house party and holding a bottle of wine. “You know, as someone who was raised around and married into a hispanic family, I learned the meaning of working on ‘Hispanic” time but damn, ,man, you take the cake.” He snickered letting Johan in.

 

“I got…very lost.” Johan shook his head. “I know New York is on a grid but what’s the use of a grid system if I have no idea which way the streets go up and down from!” He ran the back of his head against his forehead. “Where is Usnavi?”

“Oh, I’ll get him for you.” Benny took the bottle from Johan’s hand. “Trade ya.” He grabbed Usnavi by the back of the shirt and turned him around as he took a fucking sip of his drink. “All yours.” He shoved the drunk Dominican towards Johan.

He stumbled, his body still soaking in the whiskey drinks, if it wasn’t for Johan’s large hands catching Usnavi’s shoulders he would have run right into Johan’s chest. “Oi~ Johan! You made it.” Usnavi’s smile was wild. His expression was as drunk as he was, his eyes half lidded but his smile was electric. Johan didn’t know what to say other than smile and that alone seemed to make Usnavi’s expression even more drunk. “Tan lindo! Come I’ll introduce you to everyone.” He grabbed Johan by the wrist and started introducing him as ‘the Californian he found in his store’.

From the corner Daniela stood beside Vanessa, watching as Usnavi showed off his new friend excitedly. “Who’s Usnavi’s friend, is he someone new in the hood?” Vanessa looked him over as Daniela practically drooled beside her.

“No I would know if that papi chulo had been around, he’s new and just my type.” Daniela winked, she watched with a closer eye and her smile softened a bit. “Aye, cono, of course.” She exclaimed exasperatedly.

 

“What?” Vanessa looked shocked at the sudden change in Daniela’s voice. “Que paso?”

“You don’t see it?”

“What?”

“Usnavi is all over him.” Daniela motioned towards the two men.

 

“What?! No way…Usnavi…” She blinked and then remembered their small falling out when it came to their budding relationship. “You know…now you that mentioned it…” Vanessa had beat herself up that perhaps it was her, or Usnavi, turned out it was something different. There was something about the way Usnavi was showing Johan off, the way Johan was just going along with it so happy…it did Vanessa’s conscience good that Usnavi was happy. “Not bad on him, he’s cute, tall, dresses nice must have some money?”

“I know, I want to know where he found him so I can find me one” Daniela giggled as Carla joined the duo.

 

“What are we talking about?” Her eyes followed their line of sight and nodded. “Oh! Usnavi introduced us to his friend, Johan. He’s so nice.”

“Friend?” Daniela shook her head. “Aye dios mio, please tell me we’re not playing this game again.”

“It’s true.” Sonny emerged after ordering his plane tickets, he was walking on cloud nine. “Usnavi’s been hung up on this guy since he met him. But he hasn’t done shit. I thought inviting him over might loosen him up but now Usnavi is too loose to do a thing.”

“Wait why is Usnavi hung up on– “ Carla was cut off by Daniela.

 

“Sounds to me someone needs to remind Usnavi what happens if he takes to long making his move.” She eyed up Vanessa. Vanessa exchanged a sneaky smirk, nodding a bit. “Like old times.” Daniela watched as Vanessa tossed her hair over her shoulder and made her way to the boys.

“You two are _baaaaaaad_ ” Sonny chuckled, he leaned back against the wall, motioning Benny to keep his eye on the show that was about to commence.

“Wait, what is going on?” Carla looked around, “I think I missed something.”

“Carla, please, Nessa is going to make Usnavi a little jealous so he can stop taking his sweet ass time.”

“Ooo…wait why?” Carla tilted her head a little, still not quite understanding what was going down. Or about to go down.

Daniela pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled sharply “…Dios, just watch.”

 

Johan wasn’t a fan of conventional parties but Usnavi was making the night a lot more interesting. Though he knew it was partially it was because he had been drinking, Johan couldn’t deny he enjoyed the attention. He was rambunctious, stammering and stuttering over words, unconsciously saying things in Spanish before realizing Johan couldn’t understand. The over apologizing, all of it, put a smile on Johan’s face as he ate up this side of Usnavi he didn’t see. The hard working store owner had some little surprises after all. “Oh shit, they’re playing this song?! Now this, this brings me back.” He gently pulled away from Johan and started to sway his hips loosely. “This was my parents’ jam.”

“Well I can honestly say I’ve never heard anything like it.” And he never saw anyone move like that before. He was intrigued now. This called for some cultural investigation in his part. Usnavi looked like he was going to ask Johan to dance when a girl, a very pretty girl, whipped her long, pin straight hair around practically hitting Usnavi in the face came by.

 

“Vaaaaaaanessa! Well if it isn’t the barrio’s favorite girl…that was until you ditched the place.” Usnavi smirked as she placed her hand on his shoulder. There was no hard feelings about her move…not…really.

“Oh, you should talk about ditching, Mr. “I don’t know how to go past 96th street”” She frowned. “You owe me a dance.” She pulled him closer towards her, her eyes went to Johan and looked as though she was silently challenging him to say something to her. “Unless this dance is taken?”

“Actually…” Johan was more than willing to step in. However, he was the stranger here. He merely smiled and leaned away a bit. “I didn’t know you knew how to dance.”

“Please, I was born dancing. Watch me” He grabbed Vanessa’s arm and much to her regret Usnavi whisked her away to a drunken, fast pace. Usnavi was in fact, a poor dancer, a rarity among his Dominican heritage but damn did he try. His signature beside an over zealous body roll was a mashed up mess of footing that was a cross of a salsa wanting to be a bachata. In summary, Vanessa was extremely aware that her toes were under attack if she wasn’t careful.

 

Johan stood back. There was a strong sense of emptiness now, he couldn’t shake the fact Usnavi beside him, introducing him to these faces warmed him. The traveling Californian didn’t think he’d take such a strong liking to Usnavi. It felt like a whirlwind but at the same time Johan felt like … Well he wasn’t sure what he felt other than content. And the fact he knew nothing about him. What he did know was watching him dance was both entertaining and somewhat disheartening to just watch him. With arms crossed and smile no longer on his face he was joined by another semi-outsider. “Don’t worry I don’t dance either.” Benny chuckled, the fact he didn’t dance drove Nina insane but he was getting there. “You get use to this, the music, the good food, the fact everyone is a cousin or an uncle somehow.” He shook his head a bit. “And if you’re smart you’ll pick up some spanish so no one can talk shit behind your back.” Benny’s eyes cut through the crowd right to Daniela and Carla who were vultures on the scene of their novela. The life and times of Usnavi’s strange love affairs.

 

“I learned French fluently in two years, Spanish will be a piece of cake.” Wait why was he agreeing to this. Would he learn Spanish? He wasn’t opposed, and it would be getting close to Usnavi. The way Vanessa danced with him made him feel as though they were close too. Closer than he liked to imagine. “How long did it take you?”

 

“Still learning, I’ve been with Nina ever since she went back to Stanford and I’m still barely conversational. But I know the important words.” He smiled blissfully, reminiscing how wonderfully lucky he was to have the life he did.

 

“And what words are those?” Johan tore his gaze from the dancing, missing Usnavi’s slip and practically drop Vanessa in mid spin.

 

“Te adoro, Te quiero…” He spoke softly, he absently started whispering the words in spanish, watching as his wife held their daughter. “Te necesito, Te…amo…” Benny sighed dreamily, taking a sip of the fine wine Johan brought. It was already half empty and shared among the guests.

 

Johan’s addled grasp of languages fumbled to make the connections between the similar sounding Spanish words to his French knowledge . “What do they mean?” 

 

“Thats for you to find out” He smirked, then started hollering at the dance floor. “Man pull yourself together are you dancing or are you doing the stanky leg.” Johan looked back and found Vanessa no longer dancing and it was just Usnavi pelvic thrusting. Sonny had hid in the kitchen, wanting to burn the image out of his mind. Johan watched, placing a hand at his mouth trying not to laugh. Suddenly, as if Usnavi felt Johan’s laughter he started hopping and thrusting towards him.

“Oh no.” Johan placed his hands up. “No, No”

“Vamos a baliar~ Johan~” Usnavi purred holding out his hands and began making grabbing motions at the air. Johan looked up and away from him trying not to submit to his drunken, half lidded gaze. Instead Johan grabbed a glass of booze and downed it keeping himself busy. “C’mon, Johan, don’t tell me the Johnsons don’t know how to dance.”

“No the white part of me would say he doesn’t know how to dance but my father is an amazing dancer.” Johan smirked, “Your dance partner is over there” he motioned to Vanessa who traded Usnavi for a reluctant Sonny.

 

“I’m looking at a new one right now.” Usnavi grabbed Johan by the sleeves and pulled. “C’mon, you can’t be as bad as me.” He was well aware he danced like a very drunk Charo at best. Johan looked him over once more and finished his drink, letting it warm him up inside before Usnavi made him spill it all over himself. Triumphantly, Usnavi grabbed Johan and tried to led the taller man into a dance that wasn’t even a real dance. They fumbled, the footing was all over the place. But they were laughing, everyone was laughing at them too or with them depending on how they decided to see it.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Daniela smirked, watching Usnavi try to dip Johan and only ended up stumbling himself until the taller man caught him. They burst into louder laughter, practically over powering the music.

Vanessa joined in, crossing her arms. “Yea…I do” She pursed her lips with a twinge of sadness in her voice.

“I don’t see it.” Carla pouted, all she saw was Usnavi and Johan dancing poorly. “Like what are they even trying to dance? Salsa? Samba? Right now that looks like the bidibidi-dunno”

 

“Carla open your eyes, bruta.” Daniela had half the mind to yank her by her fine curls. “Not the dancing, look at them, do you see what is happening.”

Carla began to squint at the them, “I still don’t understand.”

“Aye bendito…” Vanessa sighed, she brought her thumb to her lips and bit down on the nail nervously. Usnavi steadied himself on Johan and they stopped dancing long enough to share a silent exchanges of smiles and laughter. Their laughs completely overpowered the music, it was their song now. And everyone around was a witness to it. “He likes him”

“No, where I come from we call that sofocado” Daniela cackled. “Boy is drowning in flirtatious tension, mi hija.”

People began to leave, the party was eventually over and goodbyes were shared. Once the last of the guests shuffled out of their apartment, Sonny began to wonder where Usnavi ran off to. If he had taken a look in the bedroom, he would have found their window was left open, and both men were sitting out on the fire escape with a bottle of patron between them.

 

Their night had just begun.


	4. Sipping with Sinatra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi is so turnt and Johan is seeing stars.  
> Summary: Frank Sinatra, Fire escapes, late night chitchats over fine wine makes for a Johsnavi aesthetic

The hum of cars still passing through the darken streets filled the already unsettled air. There was always a sound, a passing car, a distant siren, a train rolling past, dog barking, one could go on and on listing off disturbances in the city. But from the comfortable post of a fire escape about three stories high there wasn’t a sound that touched the moment between the two men. All Johan could hear was the deep and steady breathing between gulps of wine coming from Usnavi. He watched as the Dominican man tipped the bottle into his mouth taking a third chug. He placed the bottle down between them and ran a hand down his mouth wiping his wine stained goatee. “Gotta love summer in the city.” The night was cooler, nice August night breeze felt good on Usnavi’s flushed cheeks. It made the drunk in him feel less drunk. The breeze anchored him down to a reality and kept his mind from spinning.  
  
“It is quite nice…” Johan agreed, there was nothing in particular he cared for. Nothing he could pinpoint and say that was nice, but the moment felt nice. This felt…nice. He took the bottle and tilted his head back as well. After a long sip he sighed with gusto and pointed. “That a star?” He motioned to the white dot against the dark, opaque sky. It stood out so brilliantly like a certain someone’s laugh that suddenly filled the air. 

“Nah, man, that’s a plane.” Usnavi stared at the same dot and watched it move by. His eyes glanced over just barely catching Johan’s disappointed frown. The way his lower lip jutted out…”My abuela Claudia…” He began speaking in a tender voice, eyes closed for a moment. Grief still stung when he spoke her name out loud. “She use to complain how you couldn’t see the stars here…one night she swore she saw some…” It was near impossible to see stars in the city but Claudia saw the beauty in so many things everyone took for granted. Usnavi believed she saw her stars that night. 

“Did you see stars?” Johan’s frown curved up into a smile watching as Usnavi’s expressions changed so rapidly. Thanks to the wine no doubt. 

“I saw hella stars when she told me she won the lotto that night” He smirked, “And gave me ⅓ of it.” 

“Wow, really?” That was genuine surprise. Someone who won the lotto and got some money off it, why was Usnavi trapped at a corner store? “What happened to the money?”  
  
“Well…” Usnavi ran a hand down the back of his neck. “Abuela passed away the next day…that afternoon actually… with her share of the money I did the good she would have wanted to do. Gave some to Benny to help him out while he looked for a job, to the Rosarios to help them while they got Nina back to school. Helped Daniella so she could co-sign Vanessa’s apartment, and Carla for the salon. Gave some to the Piragua man who passes by here and–”  
  
“What’s…Pear-a-wah?” Johan tried to pronounce the words but they came out sounding like an alien language to Usnavi.  
  
“Oh…Piragua (PEE-AR-GOO-WHA)” He repeated slower just for him, Johan absorbed the sound and mouthed it to himself. Usnavi turned away feeling the heat from the wine stain his cheeks…of course just the wine. “It’s shaved ice.”  
  
“Oh that’s neat.” 

“Yeah…gave everyone some money to help them out…even commissioned Sonny’s dumb boyfriend to paint some pieces for me…Everyone that abuela ever cared about…I know she’d want to help them even just a little.” Usnavi felt a hollow ache in his chest. Nothing he didn’t know how to manage.  
  
Johan looked back up at the bleak sky. The plane had long crossed the sky and left not a single shred of light. “Your ab..abuela sounds really nice. I would have loved to meet her.”  
  
“She would have loved you.” He answered immediately, no doubt about it. “She was a great judge of character. She would have loved you more than I…” His mouth suddenly felt try, he wanted to reach for the wine but he had to finish his sentence somehow. “Than I could even imagine.” Nice save by De La Vega. 

His tall Californian friend didn’t seem to notice, much to Usnavi’s approval, and nodded. “So what about the other thirds of the money?” 

“I put Sonny’s away in a savings account, hopefully he won’t do nothin’ stupid…he probably won’t. Sonny is a lot of things but he’s a good kid with a good head on his shoulders.” Usnavi couldn’t take any credit for that. Sonny was always a sweet kid who’s only real drive was to help his hood and more importantly the people in it. “Mine…I paid off the store debts, I own it now…” It felt good to own the store officially. “The rest I still got…sitting around… “ Though Benny might have been wry of Johan getting all this information about money…Usnavi didn’t feel an ounce of stress. He didn’t think Johan cared about the money.  
  
Another moment of silence feel on them. “Sounds like you have everything figured out…” Which was more than Johan ever had his whole life.

 “…well I spent my life making a list of goals and cross them off as they come along…sooner or later there won’t be anything left to cross out…I’m not looking forward for that.” Usnavi always thought he would be living his life according to his parents, work until he died. But after all that’s happened, all the changes he was afraid his list wasn’t long enough to keep him going. He was terrified of the unknown.  

Both men went reaching for the bottle, looking away unsure what to say. Both had been internalizing their worries because neither wanted to ruin this moment. Their hands met at the neck of the bottle and with much delay, they turned, eyes on their brushing fingers. Johan slowly turned his hand, palm up, as if offering his hand to Usnavi. However, the action of his hand moving made the skittish Hispanic pull back fast. 

“…” Johan stared at his empty hand and sighed, he wrapped his fingers around the bottle and stared down at the drink. “Vanessa…” He began without thinking, his mind absently wondering if there was something between them. Johan noticed how they danced, laughed, smiled, history no doubt. Perhaps more than he imagined. Usnavi turned his head waiting for Johan to finish, all eyes on him now that he mentioned Vaness. No turning back now, “you and here seem close, after all you helped her out and stuff…” He sipped feeling absolutely idiotic for even mentioning that. Who cared? He shouldn’t have cared but his drunks words were slipping out of his mouth before his brain could edit. 

“Oh…yeah…” He smiled a bit, a sad tinge to his face. “Vanessa and I…we had a thing.” Johan knew it. Now with his confirmation Johan was no longer as happy, there was a small v shaped wrinkle forming between his furrowed brows. “But I ended it.” Usnavi looked out at the street. Johan’s face eased, he looked over at Usnavi and felt guilty for bringing it up. He looked heartbroken. “I mean, I had to, after our second date I realized we…” He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on the top of his knees. “She’s on her way, making big strides, the world is in her eyes…she’s outgrown the barrio and sooner or later she’d outgrow me. I saved us the trouble of her feeling like I was holding her back.” He’d never forgive himself if he kept Vanessa from going as far as she wanted. “I’m a streetlight stuck to my island.” 

 

Shame washed over Usnavi’s face. “I envy you.” Johan spoke softly. “I mean…you know where you belong. You know you belong here and this is home. Me? I’ve been moving around looking for somewhere to settle. Every time I get close something…something in me changes and I’m back on my feet.” Johan slowly started to open up and once he did the drunk floodgates overflowed. “My parents were not conventional. They were hippies who thought home was anywhere they could make a canopy in. I never had a home like this, people I’ve known all my life, a neighborhood. It’s been my parents, my sister and whatever ratty creature wandered into my sleeping bag that night.” Johan laughed bitterly at the memories of his strange upbringing. Yes, they had their charming quirky moments but he wondered if perhaps… they made him the way he was. 

“Hey…” Usnavi smiled weakly, he had ruined the mood. As always he never knew who to socialize normally. Damn, what would he give to be the life of the party. “Hippie parents sound cool.” 

“If you think being biracial during the 80s is ‘cool’ having parents who were hippies were even ‘cooler’” Johan’s voice was lined with sarcasm. Bitter, bitter sarcasm. “There was bullying, trouble fitting in, I learned fast to just put myself above everyone. If they made fun of me, just brush it off…then as soon as high school was over I ran. Kept moving.”  
  
“So what made you come back?”  
  
“ … Sister, Family…” He shrugged a bit, “I look at my sister and realize how normal she managed to build her life…normal within her capacity but normal enough. House, kids, husband. Stable and it looks nice.” Johan thought he wanted that too but once he started to get comfortable the itch to leave again would hit. Something would scare him back out and it was back to another country. 

“It’s nice. Take it from me…knowing no matter how far you go there is a home waiting for you..” Usnavi never thought of looking at his life like that. He could go anywhere and know his home, his island, was still in the back of his mind waiting for him. “You’ll find a reason to settle down…it’s only a matter of time.”

 “Settling down sounds so boring at the same time…it sounds so…typical. Are people really meant to be settled with one other person? For their lifetime? Isn’t that a commercial ideal put out by hallmark consumerism looking to make a quick buck on heart throb moments that don’t even last…then funnel capitalism in the divorce business when it all goes to shit?” Johan rolled his eyes, the idea of being dedicated to someone sounded more like prisoner. 

Usnavi chuckled a bit. He began to find Johan’s weird rambles adorable. He could listen to him blab for hours even if he had no clue what he was going on about. Johan joined in with Usnavi’s chuckling and laughed lightly. “Shame, Daniela was looking at you like she wanted to snatch you up.”  
  
“Oh, is that so?” Johan arched his eyebrow and snickered a bit more. “Shame she’s not my type.” 

“You have a type?” He rolled his eyes, “Lemme guess Cali-girl?”  
  
“Ooo far from it.” Johan shook his head, “try again.”  
  
“European? Thats gross I heard they don’t shave their pits, asco!” He wrinkled his nose, he was being somewhat serious. 

Johan only laughed harder. “That is a terrible stereotype.” Johan shook his head, “My type is a less of a type and more of a combination of traits.”  
  
“Anja, so like a build your own girlfriend.”  
  
“Or boyfriend.” He answered without skipping a beat. Too bad Usnavi’s heart skipped three. “My type is someone…different. Someone who makes me feel different but normal. All my life has been an adventure with no one to share it with. Someone who can make any place feel like…” He turned his head a little realizing Usnavi had been staring at Johan this whole time. “ _Home_.” 

 

Usnavi clutched the wine to his chest, his eyes glued on Johan’s. They were half lidded, puppy like eyes. The way the light hit his eye was like a star breaking through a dark sky. Johan had stars in his reflective eyes, Usnavi was getting lost in them …that was until he saw his own reflection in his eyes. Scrappy, scraggy, withered, tired, anxious storekeeper with nothing going for him other than a debt free living and a bank account that wasn’t dismal. What chance in hell did he have with Johan…why did he even want a chance? Even if Usnavi humored the idea he was interested in men, why someone like Johan? He was basically like Vanessa, a restless, traveling soul who was going to take on the world. A constant changing variable to Usnavi’s permanent constant.

 He broke the gaze first, looking down with a sigh. “It’s late.” Silence, this time it hung heavy…it was unsettling now. 

A car came by and parked in front of the building. The door opened as the driver walked out to have a smoke. His radio, somewhat low, carried the music up to the boys on the fire escape. A tune, Johan had recently recognized. “Sinatra.” He smiled a bit, Usnavi arching his eyebrow. “Sinatra is playing.” 

  
“Huh…” Usnavi closed his eyes and focused on the low, retro tune. “You’re right. My parents, when they first came to this country, were nuts about him.” 

“He’s got a way of making things sound snazzy” Johan started to snap a bit, “Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on A-Jupiter or Mars” He sang in time with the low music. “In other words, hold my hand.” He offered his hand to Usnavi. Melting in the moment of being somewhat serenaded he placed his hand in Johan’s large hand. Johan clasped it tight and pulled Usnavi a bit closer, “In other words, baby, kiss me.” He purred and Usnavi’s mind fried.  Would he? 

 

Johan could almost smelled his nerves and pulled Usnavi’s hand to his lips and placed the softest kiss on the back of his hand. Usnavi would have run for the hills but he was frozen to his spot here. The music kept playing for a while and Johan hummed along. His hand still holding Usnavi’s. It felt…right. Usnavi wasn’t sure what this was, this ease that glossed over his near constant anxiousness. He for the first time in a long time felt like the store didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered, what mattered was how warm he felt. How nice it felt having someone’s strong hand hold his with so much security. This fire escape could collapse right now, which was possible given the decades of rust he collected, and he felt safe. He felt like…

Usnavi whispered to himself, ”Fireworks…” He blushed a bit as the music came to its crescendo end and Johan finished belting out the last few lyrics.  
  
“Fill my heart with song! And let me sing forever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words!” He smiled brightly at Usnavi, the reflection in his eyes didn’t seem so bad. Usnavi didn’t look tired, he looked…alive.  
  
“In other words” Usnavi sang back at Johan to his surprise.  
  
“In other words!” Johan leaned in a bit, raising his voice to the starless, night sky. “ _I love youuuuuuu!_ ” They dragged out the last line together. Usnavi’s heart was a wreck, even if it was just in a song, he barely heard those three words from anyone. Family or friends. He leaned back in laughter, his hand squeezing Johan’s as he let out peels of carefree giggles.  
  
“Fags.” The driver got back in his car having watched them the whole time, unimpressed. The car took off but not before Usnavi got to his feet and leaned against the fire escape.  
  
“Say it to my face maldito hijo de puta!” He spat, growling at the car as he drove off. “Like he hasn’t seen two guys enjoying a goddamn song.” Usnavi flipped off the night and turned to Johan’s side. 

He sat a bit closer, automatically putting his hand back in Johan’s. Where, without questioning it, Johan took it back and held it. “It is getting late…I better head back to the hotel before my sister decides to call the police.” Johan sighed.  
  
“You can stay, I can take the policia.” Usnavi was riding the high of his machismo bravado.  
  


“Seeing how things are these days, I rather you not.” He squeezed Usnavi’s hand, melting away his agitated testosterone. “I’ll call a cab.” Johan pulled out his phone with is free hand but Usnavi shook his head. 

  
“I got you.” Usnavi pulled out his phone instead and dialed a number. He spoke Spanish into the phone and in a matter of minutes a black car came by and parked in front of the apartment. “Some of the other taxi drivers that worked for the Rosarios picked up another company, I call in favors once or twice. You won’t have to pay.”  
  
“Aw…Usnavi you shouldn’t have.” Johan said his name again and just like the first time, his heart sputtered like a stalling car. “Thanks for inviting me.” He slowly released his hand, his fingers aching. 

Usnavi looked down at his hand and nodded, “I wanted to see you again.” And again, and again. 

“I won’t be in New York for too long. I’m glad I got to see you tonight. I had fun, dancing with you was…a trip.”  
  
“Was that a joke about how we almost tripped because I’m a lot better at dancing when I’m not drunk.” Usnavi smirked, he watched as Johan hesitantly went to the fire escape ladder and held onto the bars. “Text me when you get to your hotel safe.” Usnavi leaned over the ladder, looking down at Johan. Strange, the man was tall so Usnavi didn’t think he’d have a chance to look down at him. 

“Will do.” Johan looked up at Usnavi, his eyes still glistening. “Adios.”  
  
“Adios.” Usnavi repeated with a nod. He watched his special guest scale down the ladder, muffling a laugh when he tripped over the last bar and nearly fell on his ass. Johan turned around making sure that Usnavi hadn’t seen that. They exchanged parting glances and soon Johan was in the car and driving away. 

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet. Johan was pretty tipsy, his mind spinning now. He replayed the last few moments with Usnavi. The sound of his laugh, holding his hand, the smile, the look in his eyes…all to that Frank Sinatra song. “In other words…” He hummed to himself. 

Johan barely remembered getting to the hotel. He didn’t remember remember the elevator trip or what his sister said when she saw him come in, smiling like there was no tomorrow. The last thing he remembered before he drifted into a drunk induce sleep was texting Usnavi. 

**/Johan: I’m home, safe and sound.**

**Usnavi: Good, now I can sleep easy.**

**Johan: Were you going to stay up thinking about me?**

**Usnavi: I don’t think I can stop thinking about you. /**

Johan closed his eyes unsure what to say. What he knew was it made him smile, he held his phone to his chest. His heart pounding against his ribs, he was being thought of… His phone buzzed again, he opened one eye and realized Usnavi had messaged him again. And again  
  
**/Usnavi: sorry thatwasweird. And it buzzed again.**

**Usnavi: I don’t know…like…I’m not like this!**

**Usnavi: seriously I don’t know why I said that /**

Johan quickly responded before Usnavi worried himself to death.

/ **Johan: I don’t think I’ll get that song out of my head tonight or any night. Goodnight Usnavi /**

**/Usnavi: Gnight. /**

“Crap” He sighed, putting his phone aside. He hug the pillow to his chest as a nervous smile slowly made it’s way across his face. “I /do/ like him” He buried his face into the pillow and felt the rush of blood stain his face. 


	5. More than a click away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johan is back in California
> 
> Usnavi is back at work, things are back to normal. Right?

“Bow have you seen my watch?” Dre grumbled, rubbing his empty wrist as he crossed the large, open kitchen. He gently placed his hand on his wife’s shoulder and kissed the side of her face. “I just had it…”

“You mean this one?” She motioned to a black Rolex watch sitting on the counter right next to her cup of coffee. “Or that one.” She pointed, across the kitchen to the living room where another expensive watch sat folded neatly on the coffee table. “Or–”

“No it’s the gold one, the one I wear for my ‘Drop em like it’s hot’ meetings.” Dre smiled cockly, Rainbow arched an eyebrow not sure what he was talking about. “For the meetings where I drop some big news, big news mean a big watch. I gotta assert my dominance in that room.”

“Because your CEO title means nothing if you’re not waving around big, shiny things on your wrist?” She shook her head, sometimes her husband made her wonder what she got herself into. “The point is you leave your watches around all over the house I’m surprised you haven’t lost any until now.”

“No see, that watch is my lunch watch, swap it out when I’m going on lunch outs with the crew. Can’t flash anything too nice but I can’t be watchless.” He scoffed as pointed to the other one across the room. “That’s my, I’m reading don’t bother me watch.” Dre nodded, then motioned to his empty wrist. “I need my ‘Drop em like it’s hot’ watch.”

After a moment of silence Rainbow shook her head and pulled the only conclusion she could think of. “Did you leave it in the bathroom?”

A lightbulb went off in Dre’s head and he pointed at the hallway. “And this is why I married you, we are a team.” He kissed her cheek and bounced up the stairs to retrieve his watch. There were few things in his life which he thought were sacred. His kicks, his watches, and his personal space. Which was why when he bought and designed the house, he had in mind an oasis like master bedroom. Far away from most of the rooms, a little corner of his personal space. So imagine his outrage when he found his master on suite bathroom was crowded with his children and his not-so-welcomed brother in-law. “What are you doing in my bathroom?!”

Junior popped his head out of the many bodies crowding around the vanity and smiled. “Uncle Johan is signing up for facebook and we’re helping him get the best quality profile picture around.” He gave his father an ‘ok’ sign before diving back in. Andre stood there, somewhat bewildered before shaking his head.

“No, no why does it have to be my in bathroom!?” He yelled, another child coming out from the herd and placed her small hand on her hip. Andre casted his eyes down to the youngest daughter of his family.

“Zoey said that the best lightening comes from bathrooms and your bathroom has the best lightening.” Diane shrugged a bit. “Zoey is on a roll in here, you do.not. Want to get in. We’ll call when we’re done.” She smiled and went back to the hustle and bustle.  
“No, we need the light in your eyes–wait! And, fluff his hair a little. Ok now hold the phone like, yes!” Zoey’s voice was high and cheerful. “I think we did it…” She pulled away and noticed her father was standing there with his arms wide open in exasperation. “Oh hey daddy.” Zoey smirked, still beaming from her handy work.

“Does anyone mind telling me why the four of you are crowded around in my bathroom like there is a concert going on?” Dre got a glimpse of Johan who wordlessly, walked out of the bathroom and climbed on his bed with his sandals still on. “WOAH WOAH now, not the shoes, JOHAN.” He yelled at him and usually Johan would prattle about something but…he was quiet his eyes glued to his phone more than usual. “…O-K, what’s wrong with him, wait no he’s quiet I don’t want to know.” Dre motioned his children away and retrieved the watch in question from the bathroom. When he returned they were all huddled behind Johan, looking over his shoulder at his phone. “No Dre. Don’t ask. It’s not worth it…”

“Why isn’t he accepting the friend request yet?” Junior frowned, “you think he’s not online yet?”

“No way, I checked his facebook he made a status this morning.” Zoey had thoroughly stalked the guy in question. Johan came back doe eyed and with a sudden interest in social media. Of course she needed the details. “…maybe he’s blinded by how amazing you look with the flower crown filter.”

“Or maybe he doesn’t like you.” Diana crossed her arms and felt a nudge from her twin brother.

“Excuse her, uncle Johan, someone didn’t have their cereal this morning.” He mumbled, “I told you’d be cranky if you didn’t eat first.”

Clearly all his children were invested so Dre was swayed, he was going to pry and pray it wasn’t something he’d regret. “Alright, what are you all talking about?”

“Dad, Johan is trying to slid into the DMs with the guy he met in New York” Andre Jr. wiggled his eyebrow gaining only facepalms and groans from his siblings. “What?”

“What he is trying to say in a less…cringey way, is Johan likes a guy and he doesn’t know how to go about social media flirting.” Zoey smiled, “so we helped him out.”

“Social Media….flirting? Uh huh.” Dre shook his head and his children felt a lecture coming. “You know back in my day, we didn’t ‘slide’ into anyone’s Ims.”

“DMs.”

“Whatever” Dre held up his hand, ignoring the fact he was corrected in the slang. “If you liked someone you called them, wrote them letters, took them out on dates. And you did not date someone you didn’t visit. Long distance only worked when you’re dating someone who’s going out to war or if you’re starring in a B rated Hallmark romcom movie.”

His children exchanged looks, “that’s not how romance works now dad. You can date anyone anywhere in the world with a click.”

“HA” Dre sarcastically laughed and clapped his hands together. “I’d hardly call that romantic.”

“Oh coming from the guy who got mom a blender for their anniversary?” Andre Junior shook his head disapprovingly.

Dre dramatically placed a hand to his chest and backed off a bit, “your mother had been dropping hints she was into juicing, my gift was thoughtful and expensive! I am plenty romantic.” There was a silence that came over his children and he felt nothing but judgment. “Don’t you have to be at school, BEAT IT” He shoo’d them out of his room until the only person who remained in his room wasn’t even someone he was legally required to take care of. Dre had some choice words for his annoying brother in-law but something about Johan’s face stopped him. He jumped a bit when Johan suddenly gasped.

“…he’s talking to me… “ Suddenly Johan’s entire world muted and the only thing that mattered was this Facebook messenger.

 

**[[Usnavi De La Vega: You have a facebook? … You just got a facebook.**

**Johan Johnson: Yeah I figure I’d try out this government monitored boobytrap that everyone seems to be a part of.**

**Usnavi De La Vega: jaja! ]]**

Johan arched his eyebrow, was that a typo? He didn’t look into it too long, he noticed there were dots blinking at the bottom of his screen indicating that Usnavi was still typing.

**[[Usnavi De La Vega: well as long as you have nothing to hide I think the government doesn’t give two shits lol, btw nice picture. You have a snapchat too?**

**Johan Johnson: blame my niece, she decided if I was going to leap into social media I was going into the deep end. She signed me up for Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and this thing called Tinder.**

**Usnavi De La Vega: Tinder ?? Isn’t that the hook up app or something? Swipe left or right, I don’t know what the kids use these days.**

**Johan Johnson: AH. Lol I won’t be using that one then…**

**Usnavi De La Vega: What government controlled dating apps is where you draw the line? I’m sure the government is very curious who you’d swipe right for.]]**

He didn’t respond, his eyes might have been reading too far between the black and white typings of their conversation…But he would like to believe Usnavi sounded a little jealous. He frowned when suddenly another message came up and it was the end of their brief conversation.

**[[Usnavi De La Vega: Sorry I got to help Sonny pack. He’s leaving for Cali in the morning *eyeroll emoji* I have half the mind to not send his ass anywhere…anyway, I’ll hit you up later, ok?**

**Johan Johnson: Later :) ]]**

Johan groaned a bit, laying back on the bed with the phone on his chest. He felt his heart bang against his ribs. Any harder and his phone would have been bouncing on top of his chest. The bed dipped a little as Dre took a seat at the edge of his own bed. “So, hispanic guy huh?”

“Dominican” Johan beamed with a trance like smile.

“You know they have a lot of Afo-Carribean heritage in the Dominican Republic.” He smiled but then mildly wondered if he was confusing them with Haiti. “How do you plan on making it work with him being across the country, hm?” Dre was still mildly proving his point that long distance wasn’t healthy or very stable. There were very few exceptions. Johan didn’t answer right away, “like do you even know him?”

Suddenly his brother in-law sat up right and nodded. “He’s a store owner, he has money but is really careful…he’s really careful about everything actually. And yet, I can tell there is something in his eyes excitement and ….”

“I mean family facts, history, possibly any transmitted diseases.”

“Are you implying he has an STD?” Johan rolled his eyes, “He’s been on his own for a while, his parents died in…huh, December actually.” His voice trailed off.

“Wow…” Dre also sounded a little softer. “Must be rough. At least he has other family right? Hispanics got em’ big families like we do.” Dre nudged him a little with a comforting smile, but the facts began to pile up on Johan. Usnavi didn’t have much other family from what he remembered from their conversations. Usnavi’s parents died around this time, then his beloved abuela Claudia, his cousin was traveling away for the first time, and all his friends had moved out of the neighborhood. He was… alone. “I love the eggnog Puerto Ricans make, you think he’d have the recipe for that?”

“…Dre…would it be crazy…” Johan couldn’t fathom what Usnavi had to be feeling right now. However there was a chance, a sliver of a chance Usnavi was alone and sad…Johan couldn’t bear that idea. “If I go to him?”

Hallmark movie and there was a good chance Johan would be absent for Christmas. No commenting on their economic spending or having his mother relentlessly flirt. Dre turned and placed his hand on Johan’s shoulder. “Brother, this might be only time I call you this by the way, you care about him? You go. Right now. Immediately, I’ll even book you a flight.”

Dre was walking around with his head high after that. He did a good damn thing this morning and his kids had the nerve to call him ‘unromantic’. HA. Later around the dinner table, Bow mentioned how Johan wasn’t joining them for dinner and hasn’t been around the whole day. So Dre dropped his bombshell.

“…what you’re meaning to tell me is you let my little brother, run off to New York by himself? During the holidays?! DRE” Bow stood up from the chair. “This was going to be our Christmas a family! I had a stocking picked out and everything.” She stormed for her phone while Dre’s kids gave him disapproving looks again.

“Way to ruin Christmas dad…” Diana sighed, picking at her food.

“Like, really” Zoey began, “Johan just got social media and how he’s flying across the country to see him? Talk about Creepy af, dad, you’ve practically ruined all of uncle Johan’s chances”

Had he?

 

Winter was a hard time. The cold in the city felt a lot heavier when the store was empty. It was too cold for too many people to walk on by. Most people ran into stores to hide from the merciless winds. The snow gathered along the sides of the sidewalks like small mountains, coating cars in their parking spaces. Usnavi was usually a little somber this time of year. His parents died this time of year so he had the reason. Usually though, he had Sonny who would light candles with him and binge watch Christmas movies. Benny and Nina use to pop in and drop off the Rosario’s famed Coquito. Abuela Claudia would conduct secret Santa at her place while Daniela somehow always got Carla or Vanessa as her Santa…

The barrio changed. Abuela was gone, her stoop filled with snow and her apartment now housing a new family. Daniela and Carla made it a tradition to spend Christmas with Vanessa who was downtown, living around all the Christmas decorations and the tree. Benny and Nina had a small family now, no doubt they were spending it together. Of course Usnavi got invitations to go…but…why would he? He was just a guest, in a house, a guest in a family. A sad face that probably wouldn’t get much joy out partaking in someone’s happy family.

Usnavi slugged on his jacket and hat. He gazed over his store one more time, keeping his mind busy from the clawing void that was just waiting to get to him while he was alone. Reluctantly he started to pull the grate down and locked up for the night. He rubbed his hands together and felt his phone go off. For a second, he thought it might have been Johan. He felt bad for leaving him hanging. Once he helped Sonny back and saw him off he messaged him back. The message remained sent, not even read so … “Heh…” He mused at the idea of Johan struggling with social media, even going so far to humoring his ego with the idea Johan got it for him. To his slight discouragement it was Sonny who texted him a picture of him and Pete at a dinner by the beach. 

 

The text read,’ **He surprised me with dinner, the weather here is bomb cuz!! You need to fly out so we can all hang on this playa.** ’

 

Usnavi replied, having a snarky comment in mind…then he deleted it and responded with, **‘Enjoy it kid, you deserve it.’**  

 

Sonny was a good kid…why did he have to spend another sad holiday with Usnavi. He deserved to be where he wanted to be.

He tucked his phone away and made the quiet hike back to his apartment nearby. The city was a snowy ghost town. No doubt people were warm with family, getting ready for the holidays. He imagined families coming home from sightseeing or last minute shopping… He passed abuela Claudia’s stoop and the memories forced themselves into his mind. Unwillingly he recalled childhood memories, hazy from years gone by, of waiting up in Claudia’s house. His parents sneaking around for deals on Christmas presents. Usnavi only a kid helping set up the tree and candles. Celebrating Noche Buena by the time his parents got home, music playing, hugs and kisses…

It was almost painful for him to walk into his bleek and now empty apartment. Nothing waited for him here, not a soul or a cheer. He sloppily kicked off his shoes and coat. Making a beeline to the fridge he pulled out a green beer bottle and cracked it open. His phone buzzed again and once again his stomach did flips wondering if it was…

No. It was Benny, asking if Usnavi wanted come for the Rosario’s Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow. He didn’t want to but out of coursey he responded as vaguely as possible.

 **‘I’ll see how it goes with the store.’**  
Ben: **‘K man, you know the fam would luv 2 have u. Stop working so dam hard, it’s xmas.’**

Ha. 

 

Like that was an excuse. His parents worked through many holidays, Christmas too…but by nightfall they made it back just to light candles with Usnavi. Speaking of which…his eyes scanned the room for a tall red candle, the one with the Virgin Mary sticker on it. A candle so traditional that he was sure his parents and grandparents used the same one. He lit the candle and carefully walked it over to the closed window sill. “Otra Navidad…” He smiled placing it down watching the flickering flame dance on it’s small wick. “…miss you guys…”his lower lip trembled. He bit his lip to try and keep it still but if it wasn’t one thing it was another, his eyes started to ache with bitter tears.

“Fuck.” He hissed, he should be over it by now. Every Christmas he felt this weight on his shoulders…his parents broke their asses every damn Christmas to get what they could to fill the tree. Every damn holiday day in and day out until the day they died. Working so hard just to put something under the tree for him, to give him something they didn’t have. Now he had the money, money he wished he had years ago when the people he loved still walked on the Earth. Now he could give his parents a vacation to Dominican Republic, a relief from the store… If only he hadn’t been too late.

 If he worked harder.  
If he had made something of himself sooner.  
If he wasn’t such a failure of a son.  
His parents will never know, they died leaving Usnavi debts and worries, they died probably upset…Upset they were leaving their son behind with so much unfinished work. So much to carry, they weren’t here to see he was still managing. Abuela wasn’t here to see he was still going…He was too late.

Usnavi felt his lungs twist cutting off his breathing. His heart beating slow but hard against his chest, like it was trying to punch a hole out of his chest. His eyes widened when he realized he couldn’t breathe….he couldn’t! His body shook as he slowly fell to his knees, hard sobs breaking through his crumpling frame. He tried to calm his panic, calm the screams in his head that reminded him his parents and abuela died fully aware Usnavi was struggling. Died before Usnavi could do something for them, something they deserved.

Desperate to relieve himself he slumped forward and pressed his head against the cold, wood floor and forced himself to take shallow breathes.

_Knock knock_

 

His head snapped up so fast he felt the air trapped joints crack along his neck. He crawled across the floor, all the while forcing himself to take purposeful breaths.

  _Knock, Knock_

 

Usnavi grabbed the doorknob and willed himself to his feet, leaning against the door. He ran his hand over his face covering the tear trails as best he could, then opened the door. “Who—” His eyes widened, he looked up at a slightly flushed and incredibly cold looking Johan. His jacket was barely warm enough for the winter they were experiencing at the East Coast. Johan’s eyes held Usnavi in a silent stare, he assisted him thoroughly and his face fell a bit.

“Usnavi, are you alright?”

Usnavi opened his mouth. “No” He wailed.


	6. Hurricanes in Decemeber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas came early to the De La Vega household. Usnavi is mildly wondering if it’s too late to send it back.

Usnavi didn’t have time to process it all. All of the sudden he was being held, by warm, strong arms. He was like a decrepit house; held up by two strong support beams. The only things keeping his abandoned, hollowed frame from falling apart. He was…really crumbling down. It was only a matter of time. He had these bouts of emotions. A hurricane of emotions that rattled at the frame he worked to keep up. The frame of a business owner who smiled at every customer. The frame of a friend, of a big brother, all of that framework just to keep his shaky foundation from crashing down on top of him.

“Hey…” Johan didn’t even get a chance to put his things down. Usnavi dove into his arms and held on with all his way as if his life depended on it. Johan carefully stepped into the apartment, his cold body warmed by the sudden embrace. Without taking off his coat, he held Usnavi close and allowed him to cry out as long as he wanted. His body was like a rock in his arms. Johan could tell Usnavi was trying so hard to keep it in. He could feel his muscles constrict as if he was literally fighting his own sorrow to stay just below his surface. Helplessly unaware why Usnavi was so painfully distraught all Johan could do was offer him a simple promise.

Very delicately he pressed his lips against the top of Usnavi’s head and whispered, “I’m here for you.”

He was, Usnavi never felt more certain words ever said to him. Johan was literally here for him. Tangible. Real. This was no dream. He pressed his face against the puffy exterior of his coat and inhaled softly. Slowly that tense body started to soften in Johan’s arms, tears began to roll down his cheeks in silence. The hurricane of emotions was subsiding. The framework of Usnavi’s psyche stood firm as he allowed himself to bask in the warmth that came after the storm.

The silence droned on for a moment. Then realization quickly came after, reality, responsibility, logic. “Johan, what are you doing in New York?” It was the holidays, and just a day or so ago he had messaged Johan who was seemingly back in California. Usnavi felt nothing but confusion, though in the pit of some dusty, lost vast of hope…he wondered.

Johan’s eyes got wide. It dawned on him, like it usually did, after his reckless actions what he had really done. He had flown across the country to Usnavi to say what…exactly? He didn’t plan this out and did not plan to get this sort of reaction when he first arrived. Johan looked for a good cover up, an impeccably acceptable lie that wouldn’t make him out to be such a freak. He opened his mouth and the truth bubbled out violently before he could reel himself in. “I was worried about you.”

Ah.

Usnavi felt his heart take a few horse like gallop against his chest. He jockeyed his emotions trying to keep himself in the ‘safe’ line unaware the finish line could end with a victory or a crippling disappointment. “W-Worried huh…” Usnavi suddenly got up and made his way to the kitchen. Something, he needed something in his hands to take his mind off it all. In the sink there was only the coffee press he had been meaning to clean from this morning. Perfect tool to cope with emotions. Nervously, he began to take the press apart and scrub the individual pieces. The methodical scrubbing did well to distract him, keep his mind in line while he formulated his plan.

Ah. Johan was left alone on the couch to explain himself. He ran his hand through his hair, shaking off the wet, crystalline snowflakes that hadn’t melted off upon contact. “Well…it’s just, Sonny is away and you…uh..” He toyed with the zipper of his coat. Softly deciding to shed it since his body was slowly overheating as is. “I remember you told me that December isn’t the best time for you…”   
  
He remembered. Usnavi felt the sponge loosen in his grasp. He held it under the running water then slowly he as if reminding himself, he squeezed the suds and began to massage the sponge against the dirty coffee pot. “I-It’s the anniversary of my parents’ death yea…” he tried to play it off like he was over it. But simply pretending he was over it made his tongue hang limp with bitterness. “I’m fine. Fine.” He smiled, he made the mistake of looking up from the sink. Johan was standing, those concerned brown eyes bore into him.

Slowly with angled precision those eyes broke down that business man smile of his into nothing. His lips were set back into a small frown. “Usnavi…”

“Look, I don’t expect you to get it. But my parents, they were sick. So they died one after the other, it was years ago.” Usnavi shook his head and focused on the rhythmic lapping of the hot water against the sink. His fingers reddening from the blazing water but he couldn’t feel a thing. The only thing he felt was a bitter after taste every word left on his tongue. “I’m a grown man. I’m fine, I don’t know why you came all this way. It’s…” Weird. He wanted to say weird but it didn’t feel weird. It was weird no doubt but this didn’t feel strange. New perhaps, but far from strange.

The running water between them was the only thing that broke their silence, the elephant in the room was still there. Neither of them wanted to tackle it.

 _Why was Johan here?_  
What did it matter?   
Why did Usnavi want him here?

“Usnavi…” Johan began, from the kitchen even under the roar of hot running water, Usnavi could hear his shoes tapping against the creaky wood floorboards as he crossed the living room.

He took a breath, “Yea…?” Usnavi kept his eyes on the dish, which had long been cleaned by now. Now Usnavi was using it as a scapegoat.

“I know you’ve told me how things can be hard on you sometimes…” He was getting closer, the kitchen was getting hotter. “I guess, I don’t know I haven’t able to stop thinking about you since the last time I was here.”

What months ago? They only just picked up contact over social media. Of course they texted from time to time… The feeling was mutual. Sadly. “Y-Yeah?” Usnavi muttered out, his shoulders rose as did the intensity of his heart rate.

“I wanted to see you again.” Johan was right next to him. Usnavi could feel the shadow being casted over him by the towering man. He swallowed hard and offered no input to that. “Usnavi…did you hear me?”

Of course he did. He heard him as clear as day that didn’t mean he wanted to hear that. He didn’t want to hear exactly what he had been secretly hoping for. He didn’t want to hear the reciprocation. He wanted this to be a fantasy. One he could enjoy when he wanted and…never get hurt from it because it wasn’t real. This…

“Usnavi.”

Couldn’t be real. Johan’s hand gently turned off the water. Usnavi watched as the last bits of steam disappeared. His eyes examined his red and raw fingers which had no feeling in them whatsoever.   
  
Silence, the storm was coming back. He could feel it, they were standing in the eye of the hurricane that had passed before. His rickety frame was swaying. He planted himself firmly and waited for the storm to crash down on him.

“Usnavi, say something?” Johan’s voice was weak but it had the power of 90 mph winds, battering at Usnavi’s interior. It roared and made something in him want to squeak back. The worried expression on his face of a man who just admitted more or less something fairly emotional rained down on him like pelting golfball sized droplets. Inside Usnavi was struggling to keep himself afloat. But on the outside? 

“I think you need to go home, Johan.” He shook his hands once and wiped them against his shirt. He spun fast, just barely walking around the taller man. “I admit, you coming all the way here just to see me is nice but…I mean I don’t know you.” _But I want to_ , he felt his heart bite back at his logic. “You need to go home” _Please stay_ , he moved to the living room, Johan slowly tailing behind him.

If Usnavi dared to look back, he’d see Johan’s expression turn to a soft sadness. He wasn’t upset or hateful like Usnavi would have been if the tables were turned. He was genuinely hurt. The kind of hurt that reminded him of times kids would fall because their friend had been a little too rough on them, and they were biting back tears because they didn’t want their friend to feel bad. Johan…didn’t want Usnavi to feel bad.

All Johan could offer as a response was “Uh huh.”

“Plus, it’s the holidays.” Usnavi smiled as if it wasn’t the worse time of year for him. “Your family needs you.” _I need you_.

Johan slowly lowered himself on the couch. Robotically he began sliding his arms back into his coat. “I’ll..uh..look for a flight. Find somewhere to stay…”

Good, he’d leave. It was better this way. Johan was still somewhat a stranger. A stranger Usnavi was projecting some weird, unexplained emotion towards.

“I’m sorry.” Johan looked up at Usnavi, at this point was staring out the window fixated on a streetlight. He wasn’t apologizing for coming here. They both knew that. He was apologizing because he had misunderstood what was here. Usnavi felt like laughing, sorry? Why did Johan have to be sorry? Usnavi should be sorry. Johan did what every person ever dreamed of, Christmas eve was tomorrow and Johan flew out just to see Usnavi and declare (somewhat) his feelings.

And as per usual, Usnavi disappointed someone else. It was better now than later. Better now than years of pining leading up to realize this can’t work. It wouldn’t work. No one fits here with him. Where two people started to fit together like puzzle pieces…Usnavi was that corner piece. There was nothing connecting him to anyone. He was the last piece to the big picture and the big picture didn’t include Johan. Big picture was him being Sonny’s big brother, Nina and Benny’s friend and godfather to their daughter. It was being a store owner and working until he could retire with the last bits of money abuela left him.

It was keeping these stories and telling them. Not making his own story. No…  
Usnavi zoned out, his eyes going in and out of focus as he watched the streetlight on the corner flicker, flicker then go out. As did the rest of the lights in his apartment. “Aye carajo!” Usnavi hissed, a black out in winter? This was literally a storm, inside and out.

“Uh…everything ok?” Johan blinked, he wasn’t sure if everything was meant to go out like that. Thankfully NYC was far from a dark place. The light from the rest of the city gave Usnavi some view as he shuffled around for a flashlight.

“No.” He snapped. “Nothing is ok.”

“Can I help?”

Why was Johan so soft? Why was he so kind and loving, he was only making this harder for Usnavi. “Yea, you can find a flight back to California.” He barked with some venom. Usnavi didn’t need lights to know Johan’s face must have looked offended or the very least shocked. He watched as Johan’s phone lit up and he began to scroll. One problem then the other, Usnavi would tackle them all.

“…there are no flights.”

“QUE?”

“I’m going to assume that means something exclamatory by the way you yelled that.” Johan’s voice mocked a cold tone as well. He was upset at Usnavi. Good. This would make getting Johan out even easier. “There is a blizzard watch popping up, there are no flights tomorrow or Christmas as of now.” Johan hoisted himself up and started for the door.

Usnavi felt each step send a cold spike through his facade. “W-where are you going?”

“You wanted me to leave so badly…” Johan whispered, now he was the one gaining more of a nerve. As if attitudes swapped places, Usnavi felt everything inside him grow soft. “Bye Usnavi.”

Oh no. Usnavi felt something unhinge. The strong support beams gave out and he was faced with nothing but his broken, aged foundation. No way capable of holding him up anymore. This hollow home, his lonesome oasis inside of his mind was crashing down on top of him. “It’s dangerous outside…”

“Bye Usnavi,” Johan repeated going for the door.

Usnavi took two steps. “At least let me know where you’re going.”

Johan’s eyeroll could be felt around the world. “Goodbye Usnavi.”

“Wait-”

“What do you want?” Johan turned, he stared down the man he had flown miles across the nation. A man whose face invaded every thought, every worry, who made him jump at every message and tried so hard to feel mean. He wanted to mock him. He wanted to do something to fill the ache Usnavi’s weird mood swings had put him through. But he met terrified beady eyes under the shade of his blacked out apartment and couldn’t harbor even the slightest bad intention. “What do you want me to do?” He genuinely asked now.   
The Dominican man’s browns unknitted, they relaxed as he tried to satisfy the logic in him that told him to send Johan packing, regardless of what was happening. And the feeling of wanting to keep Johan within arms’ reach. “Stay here for now…until you can get a flight.”   
Logic: 0, Usnavi: 1.

Johan didn’t fight it, he didn’t question. A part of him still upset over Usnavi’s first reaction to his muddled declaration of emotion was temporarily silenced by the fact Usnavi cared enough to keep Johan from spending money at a motel. Cared enough to not send the clueless Californian on a snowy hike at night to some place to stay. He watched as the smaller man, flashlight in hand, fluttered around making the couch into a place to sleep. He pulled thick blankets from Sonny’s room, pillows, and a few candles by the coffee table.

“…the power is out.”

“I noticed Usnavi” He chuckled, the sound was so delightful. Right now he could live off that sound after the terrible feelings that had swarmed him all of the sudden.

“Heh, let me finish, idiota.” He licked chapped lips, basking in the warmth of Johan’s short lived laughter. “I mean, since the power is out if you get cold feel free to …get more sheets from Sonny’s room…or just use his bed…it’s small… so I put you here. Not saying you’re huge just…” If Usnavi could kick himself in the mouth just to shut up, he would.

Johan curled up on the couch with his shoes still on watching Usnavi ramble. Meanwhile, somewhere a small part of Usnavi was upset about that…but said nothing. “I’m fine, Usnavi. This is more than enough for a kid who use to sleep in a cubby of an RV…and in a tree…and there was that one time–” He shook his head not wanting to go into it. After all, Usnavi made it clear he wasn’t interested. “Goodnight.” He sank into the couch-bed and pulled the sheets around. Already the few minutes without power made a difference. The old began seeping in through the heating vents.

Without a sound, Usnavi retreated to his room closing the door. He, as silent as he could be, undressed his skin flushed from head to toe. The cold didn’t bother him though. It was a mild annoyance on his sensitive skin. His body was all too aware of the fact Johan was in the next room.

Johan was in his house.

Johan was sleeping in his living room.

Johan was here.

His body felt warm for the moment. He relived Johan’s chuckle and relished in it like it was sunlight on this dark, wintry night. He knew that this wouldn’t last though. In the morning, Johan would try again. Usnavi would push him to find a flight. He’d force Johan back home before this got messy. He felt the weight of all that reality push on him. God, it had been a long day.

He crawled on to his bed, flopped against the pillow face first and groaned. Johan would leave and surely never try to mix whatever this was up again. This was the reality Usnavi was ready for.

But for tonight, and just for tonight…He would turn his head towards the door and sleep well knowing, Johan was just a room away.

If only for tonight, he was here.


	7. Buenas Noches, Johan!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi wakes up and realizes Johan isn't the problem.   
> The Problem is...there is a party he has to go to and Johan is back in the thick of this.

Sleep was a pleasure that danced toe and toe with necessity. Johan grew up with the innate ability to drop anywhere. His family had often gone on long, drawn out trips where the wild, forest floor was his bed. Perhaps the occasional nook in the packed rv, their home he had a bed that was minimal as his parents were minimalists. Johan often wondered if his parents’ desires to keep their kids grounded away from commercial items made Johan have a sort of complex. The need to want and shop but also not to supply and help grow the popular capitalism that fueled big business felt as though it stemmed from somewhere... But those thoughts didn’t matter, not to Johan, at the moment he was swimming in a deep sleep. A death-like sleep, he heard nothing, felt nothing, the ache of the Usnavi’s offhanded coolness to his arrival didn’t sting while he slept. He was at peace for the moment.

At least one of them had to be. Usnavi didn’t sleep a wink that night. Too many thoughts plagued his mind, he couldn’t just lay down and shut off like Johan did. He couldn’t put off the thoughts for another time. They were present and needed to be addressed like board meeting. One by one each worry took another hour Usnavi could have been sleeping. He started with the least of his problems, he was cold. The power still gone, central heating was down, his apartment was getting chillier by the minute ---no the second. He could feel winter claw its way to every nook and cranny of his old apartment. The small seeping cracks that didn’t usually matter might as well have been gaping holes in the middle of tundra. Usnavi’s temperature sensitive skin was covered in goose bumps. Shivers racked his body like a phone on vibrate, what he would love to be warm. His sheets and bed were usually cool, something he enjoyed during hot summer nights. The cool of absence, the cool of not having another soul but Usnavi’s neglectful body grace sheets. It would have been nice if something kept his bed warm from time to time, breath hot life into the blankets…

Life, that was the second worry that rolled in after the chill. He felt the heaviness of loss. It wasn’t unnatural given the time of year. He lost his parents, one after the other; he took shifts caring for them both. Then watched them follow each other out into the afterlife. They left him with so much of their hard work. All Usnavi wanted was to make them proud, he knew how much they worried…more so about him. He felt like he had done so little with what they left him, with what abuela left him. He felt the sorrow swell in him all over again.

Then stop, there was that third unheard member in his mental meeting. A thought that filled him with warmth and dread all at once came over him and he rolled on his bed. He faced the door and one clear thought made itself known in his mind. Johan was in the other room. Johan was in the other room, in his house, sleeping…  
  
Johan was here.  
  
Why?  
  
No he knew why, Johan made it …quite obvious why. Right? Perhaps Usnavi was reading him wrong. Maybe Johan had appeared out of genuine friendship…though Usnavi never felt a friendship this warm before. Being around Johan was like being out in the middle of summer. He felt hot, warm, he wanted to lay back and relax with him. His mind buzzed with different flurries of worries and woes. Johan most likely hated him, he was cold he was…here. Somehow that last thought clung to him like static to a balloon. He just couldn’t shake it away.

The hours ticked on, Usnavi couldn’t seem to sleep. He laid there on his side, watching the door. He waited for the sounds of Johan to move. To rise and pitter around, but he heard no sounds. A small pang of fear crawled up his side when he thought perhaps…Johan had left? Perhaps…the stillness was all in his head? Usnavi rolled himself to his feet; he was going to get a glass of water. Yes, that was what he told himself. He would grab a glass of water and glance at the couch to see if Johan had remained or had this been a dream. Something out of Usnavi’s head after he had a mental break down, slowly he opened the door. It was dark, the wood floor chilly enough his toes would stick in contrast.

He held his breath; he walked slowly, trying hard to pick the parts of the floor that wouldn’t squeak with his weight applied on it. Through the dark of the apartment and the little light from the blacked out neighborhood he barely made out the long lump on his couch. He closer he got the more noise he felt like he was making. Every other step he took creaked, every three steps he stumbled a bit. When he finally reached the couch Johan shifted, rolling from his side to his back. Usnavi’s hands went right to his mouth as he waited for Johan to say something…but nothing but a soft snore escaped his lips. A large arm thrown over his eyes, Johan was still deep in his sleep.

So he was really here and he was truly asleep. Usnavi felt these small revelations warm his chest in the middle of his chill ridden living room. He could stay there forever, staring down at him…stuck in this pull like Johan was the goddamn sun and he was stuck right in his orbit… Then he’d get too close and crash into the molten surface and die. Usnavi turned on his heel and marched back to his room nearly slamming the door shut behind him. He flopped back onto the bed and groaned softly. This was going to be a long holiday.

The next morning, Usnavi was up, well up off his bed. He didn’t sleep. He watched the hours tick on by and out of courtesy to Johan he didn’t wake up before dawn. He spent hours absently skimming his phone until light began to fill the dark New York apartments. 

Usnavi paused by the door and fixed his hair he wanted to look…look like he wasn’t up all night thinking about Johan. Yeah, that was his thoughts. He walked out ready to greet him when he found…Johan was still asleep. Given now there was daylight Usnavi’s sleepless eyes wandered over to him. Johan hadn’t moved where he last flopped to. He slept like a rock, sound and seemingly motionless. Like he was a statue carved in that position. Would have made sense to Usnavi, no one so chiseled was human. No one had smooth as smooth and near poreless like marble. No one had features so mind numbingly handsome they had to come from a master sculptor’s deepest and almost divine imagination.

Usnavi felt he was gawking and groaned, what was he thinking? What was he thinking? He wasn’t attracted to guys. For all his life he only liked women but now with Johan here, on his couch, bicep exposed Usnavi felt the pits of his stomach churn. This was bad. Usnavi couldn’t take another person walking into his life, when things didn’t work out with Vanessa he went through months of self loathing. He was still working out of the ‘I’ll never be with anyone’ phase, he had just settled down with his true companion. Loneliness, only to have Johan storm into his life and make things feel so promising.

He silently went on with his morning routine. He couldn’t stand there and try to make sense of it all, it would only come back to him as senseless. Nothing about this made sense, nothing about Johan made sense to him. Angry that nothing seemed to be going his way he man handled the coffee maker, letting it clang a few times against the counter. Once he got the pot going he moved to make breakfast when a yawn broke his silent steeping in anger.  
  
“Mornin’” Johan spoke groggily through his yawn. Usnavi looked up and noticed with the blanket slowly falling off him, Johan was…shirtless. Suddenly Usnavi felt everything in his body go limp. Johan stretched, rolling his shoulders a few times. His muscles not used to being stirred so early needed extra coaxing. Usnavi watched as Johan twisted his body from side to side getting a sole, long cracking sound out of his air tight joints. “Where’s your…bathroom?” Johan pursed his lips a little meeting Usnavi’s wide eyed gaze.  
  
“A-a…que?” Usnavi’s mind blanked, he couldn’t even form a proper Spanish sentence anymore. “Over there” He jerked his chin towards one of the open doors. He fidgeted a little in place watching Johan slowly rise and walk over to the bathroom. Of course in silence and no smile, the reality of last night were now crashing down on him. That didn’t stop Usnavi from watching his toned back retreat into the bathroom. “Dios mio (my God).” He muttered grabbing some more things for his breakfast.

Two pancakes stacks later Johan emerged still shirtless and now walking towards Usnavi. He felt personally attacked by the sight of pecks invading his space. “So…I was thinking, I should probably get myself a hotel. Doesn’t look like any flights are coming out until the second of January.” It was fairly clear, Usnavi did not want Johan here…right?  
  
Usnavi placed a plate in front of Johan and simply gave him a shrug. He took a hot sip of coffee and asked, “Coffee?”

“Sure…” Johan picked up the plate and held it in one hand while eating with the other. “Did you hear what I said? About the hotel and the flight?”  
  
He puckered his lips while he took another long, tongue burning sip of coffee. “Light and sweet, right?” He started fixing Johan a mug.  
  
“Usnavi…”  
  
He felt a shiver go down his arm and shake his hand while he steadily tried to pour coffee.  
  
“Usnavi?”  
  
He felt his heart skip and his fingers loosen their grasp on the pot. Usnavi flared his nose a little focusing on what he was doing.  
  
“Usnavi!” Johan’s voice finally got louder, louder than Usnavi was use to and the coffee pot fell from his loosely, clammy grasp.    
  
“Cono! Johan! Callate la maldita boca, no ves que estoy hacienda algo!? (FUCK, Johan, shut the fuck up, can’t you see I’m doing something?!)” Usnavi snapped back angrily. He felt the heat rush to his face after the fact, his yelling died down bit when Johan’s face seemed to soften. Oh…did he hurt him?  
  
After a few seconds of searching for an answer Johan opened his mouth, “…I don’t know what you said…but you sounded mad at me. Are you mad at me?” His voice was genuinely concerned. Usnavi sighed, shaking his head. He placed the cup of coffee by Johan and went back to his own set up. “Look I get it you want me gone.”  
  
“I don’t…I’m not mad I’m…stressed” Which wasn’t a complete lie. Stress was Usnavi’s normal setting. “Nina is having a Noche Buena dinner.” Yes, an excuse there that was fool proof.  
  
“Oh…so I should probably find a place to go then…”

Truth was, whether Usnavi liked it or not, he didn’t want Johan to go. There were many reasons but the biggest one being Johan came all this way for him. He felt bad kicking him out and something happening to him. After all if something did happen, Usnavi would be looked at. There was a lot of risk letting Johan go, more importantly; Usnavi didn’t know if he could let him go. Last night he had the chance and instead Johan stayed the night. Usnavi might have not slept but he was far from opposed having the man in his domain.

“Look, you came all this way the least I can do is let you stay…” Usnavi looked up at Johan who seemed ready to argue. Did he not want to now? Of course not…he had every right to go but the idea of Johan walking out this being what it was. The end of his safe, hidden fantasy of having someone like Johan around… “I know there is no heat for now but we can toss some blankets in the heater…let the hot water run for a bit…I’m sure the power will be back soon and I won’t charge you …”  
  
“I’ll stay.” Johan picked up the coffee cup and took a sip. Their eyes kept contact for a while, “I’ll stay” he repeated in a firmer voice. Usnavi was convinced for now.

They ate in silence. Silently Usnavi took the dishes, including Johan’s to the sink where Johan proceeded to follow. Neither was sure what they were doing, Usnavi eager to get his mind of all of his started to wash the dishes. For the second time this chore failed to distract him from Johan. He could feel the heat rolling off him, even more so now that the apartment lacked it. He shook his head and started piling on dishes on the dish rack only to find a large hand was taking them and drying them for him. “…do you know where that goes?” Usnavi inquired watching Johan help.  
  
“Yes because you’re about to tell me.” He smiled; polishing the dish with pride.  
  
Johan’s face lit up when Usnavi shook his head a bit and laughed. “Cabinet behind you.” Usnavi kept his head down, eyes on what he was doing. They fell back into silence but it was warmer than before. It was a natural silence. How easy Johan fit into the role…he blended into Usnavi’s background only complimenting his work. He didn’t feel lost in loneliness of these thoughts. For the moment, he was enjoying just existing. The dishes were done and put away, “thanks” Usnavi smiled a bit.

“Anytime, Usnavi.” Johan placed the drying rag back on the counter and returned to the spot on the couch. Usnavi smiled and for a second allowed himself to enjoy the view…What a handsome view, his apartment never felt warmer meanwhile having no heat.  
  
Usnavi’s phone buzzed on the counter. He grabbed it, keeping his eyes on Johan who was checking his phone. From cross the room their eyes glanced at each other and both men quickly turned away from the heat of catching the other’s stare. Usnavi searched for the source of his phone buzzing and noticed it was a text from Benny asking him to bring ice for the party.  
  
The Party.  
  
“That’s right…” Usnavi groaned, he couldn’t go. He couldn’t leave Johan here alone, not that he didn’t trust him. Not trusting him might have been the more sane answer, instead of coming to grips with he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to spend the night worrying about what he was doing, if he was alright…Usnavi felt his heart hammering in his chest, this was going to be the second time he was showing up somewhere with Johan. This was probably going to send the wrong message.  
  
He should have let Johan leave last night…  
  
He should have.  
  
  
Later that night in a small apartment tucked away in family friendly Brooklyn, Benny yanked open the door letting the waves of mellow rumba music dance out of his apartment and into the hall. “Usnavi you…came…with…” Benny’s expression went from smiles to concern when he realized his friend had company. His very detailed oriented, organized friend and unexpected, unannounced company, like their first meeting all over again, Benny tensed up. He squared up and sized Johan up all over again.  
  
“Happy Noche Buena” Johan smiled standing behind Usnavi. Usnavi hung his head as he lifted the bag of ice towards Benny. He could feel how awkward the night was going to be already and they had just arrived.   
  
"Yea, happy Noche Buena..." 


	8. Parenting Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi gets a soft lesson of life from Nina and Benny
> 
> While I milk this slow burn for all its got.

“I didn’t know Johan was back.” Nina smiled from where she sat, baby on her lap giggling once she caught sight of her beloved godfather Usnavi.   
  
Benny looked up from his glass and gave a small, stern nod. “Yup.”   
  
Usnavi felt the room tear in two. One side was Nina’s benevolent curiosity and smiles, then there was Benny’s intense disapproval.  Usnavi wanted to scream into the void of mixed emotions, he did not ASK for this. He didn’t ask for Johan to come back like some Prince Charming having sensed he was in distress. He didn’t ask for this...but he couldn’t say he didn’t want it...not in entirely. His chest felt crushed by the contradicting emotions, her nervously looked at Johan wondering if he felt it too. Surely he felt this was a big mess that HE made.   
  
Johan smiled seemingly unaffected by the mood of both Usnavi or Benny. “It was a...surprise visit. I wanted to see snow.”   
  
“There’s snow in California.” Benny sipped his drink, keeping his eyes on Usnavi. “Navi’ why don’t we grab a drink from the cooler”   
  
“Actually I’m not thirsty.” He answered quickly and watched as Benny quirked a furry brow upward. “...I guess some water would be ok.” Usnavi angrily shoved his hands into his pocket and stalked away, avoiding Nina and Johan’s gaze. Once he got to the kitchen he leaned himself on the counter, his eyes on Johan who was smiling. He had such a nice smile, an easy kind of grin. He felt himself smile a bit watching Johan strike up a conversation with Nina.   
  
“Why is /he/ here?” Benny grumbled so low it was more like a growl. He looked territorial and Usnavi almost felt ten years younger. Was this what it was like for Sonny and Pete? He owed them an apology. (not)   
  
“He...came to visit me.”   
  
“Yeah I get that, but why? You didn’t mention this guy was coming back.”  
  
“I don’t have to, he’s…” he just came on his own accord and I let him stay because I’m painfully deprived of emotions, was what he wanted to say. “Look does it matter, he’s cool.”   
  
“Yes it does, look I gotta know the guy.” Benny was met with a glare, he realized he was dancing a fine line of concerned friend and pseudo father. His voice took a more delicate turn. “I’m just saying, he’s gonna be around you ...you’re like family. Just as much as Nina and my baby girl.”   
  
“Greatly appreciated but last I checked I don’t have to run that by you.” Usnavi grabbed a cup of water and retreated back to the dinner party.   
  
The dinner party was...well it was awful really. Benny was glaring daggers at Johan, Usnavi was glaring back at him, Johan was somewhat tensed after the night he had with Usnavi. The only one that seemed to be alright was Nina and their baby. At one point the chatter among the guests all stopped, the music played while everyone sat as far away from each other as possible given the size of the apartment.   
  
“Benny mind helping me in the baby’s room.” Nina smiled, leaving Johan and Usnavi to sit and steep in silence. Benny walked in ready to take on diaper or burping duty when he was met with Nina’s frown. She closed the door behind him and spoke low. “Ok what’s going on, everyone is mad quiet and this is not how I wanted to spend Noche Buena.”   
  
“Sorry...Usnavi brought that guy here.”   
  
“So?” She crossed her arms, “that guy isn’t the problem I’m talking about. I’m talking about you and Usnavi giving each other cold glares.”   
  
Benny tensed up, he didn’t think it was that obvious. “What? No. We’re cool.”   
  
“You’re about as cool as the time he told you Nas was better that Biggie”   
  
“That was a poor call on his behalf I can’t control if that has assbackward ideas about music...and men…” Benny shook his head. “He doesn’t know him, I don’t know him. Usnavi wouldn’t just meet someone and not tell anyone. Usnavi doesn’t meet people one day and the next they’re suddenly coming to our family shit? That graduation was just to scare the fucker not an open invitation to our family.”   
  
Nina shook her head, a small almost disbelieving smile graced her face. “Seriously? You’re parenting a grown ass man? Benny, the only daddy you are is our girl’s. Not Usnavi.”   
  
“Ok but--”   
  
“But nothing, you’re right Usnavi doesn’t bring people into our circle easy which means this guy is important” she countered.   
  
“Who the hell just flies out--”   
  
“And don’t forget you flew out to California without telling me, stayed for weeks in my dorm hiding from my parents who came to visit me.”   
  
“It's not the same, I don’t trust him.”   
  
“You are starting to sound like my father when we started dating...and we both know what an asshole he was to you. And do you know why he stopped...because he realized that I love you, and he trusted me to make that good call. And I did.” She placed her hands on Benny’s chest giving him a small push. Benny blanketed his large hands over hers and hung his head, defeated once again by Nina. “I love him, we love him. When things failed with Vanessa...I was worried too. I don’t want him to get hurt but if he’s more than willing to try then why can’t we.”

 

“And here I thought I married you for your looks.” Benny rolled his eyes. “You’re right…but you can’t blame me, Usnavi doesn’t look any kind of happy to have him here.”   
  
“Let me handle that.” She patted Benny’s chest then opened the door again. Usnavi was still sitting on the couch, his face turned away from Johan who was sitting at the opposite end also looking away. “Johan.” Nina smiled, “Benny is going to need some man power getting the carving the pork shoulder.”   
  
“Actually I’m a vegan I’m not comfortable with…” He met her gaze and felt disarmed by her authoritative smile. “Sure. I don’t mind defacing an already baked animal carcass.”

 

Once he left, Nina plopped herself beside Usnavi. “Great, am I going to get part dos of the lecture?”   
  
“I like him.” Nina ignored Usnavi’s remark and stared at Johan as Benny motioned him to take out the pork shoulder. He shook his head and the two looked like they were bickering from the kitchen, luckily the sounds of Juan Luis Guerra tuned them out. “He suits you.”   
  
“HA.” Usnavi said a bit too loudly, the music had awkwardly ended when he did. Both Benny and Johan shot him a look from the kitchen. Usnavi sank back into the leather couch and waited for the next song to pick up. “You kiddin’ me? Johan and I, I mean first, like...and second...you know..como...Mira it's like…” He began making hand gestures as if they’d fill the gaps of his argument. Nina placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned on him. She was always like a sister, they grew up together. Her accomplishments were like watching his own. She made him proud, she made the whole hood proud.   
  
“I get it. He reminds me of Nessa’” She said the thing Usnavi felt the most worried about. He internally flinched at hearing it out loud. It was so painfully true, Johan was just another Vanessa… “But I hate to break it to you, Navi, he’s not anything like Nessa.” She smiled watching Johan make a face as Benny handed him a carving knife and began to instruct him how to use it. “I love Vanessa, she’s...she’s my girl but well...Nessa spent her life being a giver. To her mom, to the salon, she’s not out to give anymore. She’s taking what she wants and that's fine but you...you’re a giver. You give and you give and you give...”   
  
Usnavi smirked a bit, was this some weird way of telling him he wasn’t good enough?  
  
“Johan doesn’t seem like the taking type…” She whispered softly, “he seems like the type who’s going to give and it's ok for you to take. It’s ok to want to want something from someone. I can’t think of anyone who deserves to be the one receiving than you.” Nina kissed Usnavi’s cheek and giggled, “plus if anything goes south I can tell you Benny is all for teaching him a lesson.”   
  
“Great, because I really needed Benny to be my dad too.” Usnavi shook his head, she...had a point. Vanessa and Usnavi were (sadly) at two different points in their lives. Vanessa had tunnel vision, she had waited and wanted this life that Usnavi was either in it for the ride or not at all. Johan...well, Usnavi didn’t know where he was headed. What he knew right now that wherever Johan was going for some reason it was leading back here. Perhaps it was more of a sign than anything.

 

The party went on without fail, dinner was a much easier now that Nina had spoken to them. Benny questioned Johan’s vegan lifestyle up and down. Finding it completely strange for anyone to avoid eating meats and dairy. No one had the nerve to tell Johan coquito was just Puerto Rican spiked eggnog. He seemed to be enjoying it while he babbled back to Benny about the many flaws in consuming animal products. Usnavi didn’t hear much of that argument, he was watching. Watching how ...easy this could be. Johan seemed to just slid into his life like it was a part he had practiced for years. He spoke to his friends, basically family, like this had been a routine. It was terrifying.   
  
Usnavi had hoped this party would be so awkward Johan would just walk home to California. Usnavi had hoped this party would have been the final nail in the coffin of ‘this just can’t work’ but instead it was breaking all his arguments apart. It terrified him that it wasn’t a what if anymore, it was ‘when’.   
  
After dinner Usnavi jumped at the chance to help Nina clean. Nina asked if Johan and him wanted to stay for Christmas too. Usnavi had to decline, he was surprisingly pleased Benny and Nina liked Johan. He wasn’t sure how Kevin and Camila take Usnavi’s new...companion. Once the last dish was cleaned and put away, Nina exhausted flopped on the couch only to groan when a soft, infantile cry escape from the baby’s room.   
  
“Guess who is up and ready to boss us around.” Benny emerged with their daughter curled into his large arm. “Merry Christmas uncle Usnavi.” Benny quickly passed the love of his life to Usnavi. Even dedicated parents needed two seconds without the sweet cries of their angel.   
  
Johan’s smile fell a bit. He watched as Usnavi’s entire person changed in that second. Tired was no longer the adjective that came to mind.   
  
“Hola, mi reina~” He cooed at the baby in a voice much higher than his own, his eyes wide and filled with so much tenderness. Johan had to clutch his chest to keep his heart from spilling out. Usnavi held her tiny hand as he whispered sweet nothings to the baby, making airy gasps at every sound the child returned. Johan looked away feeling nothing but a warmth in his stomach. It was short lived though…he knew that Usnavi wanted him gone. He knew that he had pushed himself onto someone without considering what if he wasn’t..good enough.

There wasn’t anything Johan could change, no diet or fad he could do. It was fact. Usnavi didn’t feel that way. The cold realization lasted within Johan until it was time to leave. Brief goodbyes followed with “it was good to see you again” only made Johan sadder. It was a nice moment of playing pretend. Pretending like more moments like this would happen, cuter family-friend get togethers. Usnavi would invite him more, they’d talk and act like it was all meant to be. Being part of a family…one that wasn’t Bow’s or his parents was never something he thought too deeply about until now. He wanted to be a part of Usnavi’s world, his families, his friends; he wanted to be part of the story.   
  
“Do you…like … not get cold?” Usnavi looked up at Johan who was walking in a daze, his light jacket open letting in all of the frigid, December air.   
  
Johan blinked, it felt like ages since Usnavi spoke to him. “Uh…” he blinked and then managed to gather himself back up. “Not really, I run warm, too warm actually.” He chuckled, “I was a practicing nudist once.”   
  
Usnavi’s face deadpanned, “why am I not surprised?”   
  
“It was actually quite liberating.”   
  
“Uh huh…”   
  
“I was, and so refreshing. Clothing can be so confining on both the body and the mind.”   
  
“Ah yes, damn clothing and society.” Usnavi shook his fist.   
  
Johan stared at him for a long time then smirked. “Are you mocking me?”   
  
“Whaaat, Nooo, what gave you that idea.” He playfully nudged Johan as they walked. Usnavi’s eyes were wide again, bright and giddy. Not a shred of sleep left in his face. It wasn’t fair. Johan couldn’t think straight when Usnavi flipped his switch like this. “I wish I ran hot, everytime winter rolls in I start plotting my escape to Santo Domingo.”   
  
“So go.” Johan smirked, “just…buy a ticket and leave.”   
  
“Easy for you to do. You think I can just be like you and drop everything? If that was the case I would be in California not the other way…” He paused for a second, his heart dropped to his stomach. “I mean…California is warmer.” He licked his lips, slowing his walk.   
  
“Its easy when you know what you want.” Johan turned his head, looking over his shoulder at Usnavi for a second.

Usnavi felt a pang of emotion hit him. Know what he wanted? What did Johan know about him? Usnavi knew what he wanted; he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted…he wanted this. It was a foreign concept for him to just take something. He could see Johan was steps ahead, walking at his own pace moving forward while he dragged his feet against the sleek concrete. There was going to be a time Johan wasn’t going to be around to walk ahead of him. That time did not have to be right now.   
  
He waltzed over, meeting Johan’s strides with ease. Shakily, he slid his hand into Johan’s warm, openly hanging hand by his side. “You are warm, Jesus.” Usnavi’s nerves were slightly settled by the surprise of how toasty Johan’s hand was. No wonder last night didn’t bother him at all, Johan didn’t respond. He closed his hand around Usnavi’s and walked with him in silence.

Winter was a somber season. Winter was death of all things. Not just the memories of those who passed, winter meant bare trees, dead grass, and no animals. Winter was still and quiet, and embodied all the cold Usnavi kept inside. Winter was lonesome most of the time, “You know winter is a good time of year to start looking for Witch hazel.” Johan muttered a bit. “We don’t get a lot of it in California…”   
  
“Hm, actually there is a shop that sells Santaria things…” He paused and then re-explained. “It sells trinkets for spiritual shit, witch hazel comes up there by the bundle. We…should go, I mean if you really want some. Its good for spirits and skin…and shit…” Usnavi felt a little blush cross his face. “We can make…a day out of it I guess, I don’t really like…celebrate Christmas, and you’re stuck here so…”   
  
“Let’s make a _date_ out of it then, Good idea Usnavi.”   
  
Wait.   
  
A Date?   
  
Usnavi was no longer keeping pace, Johan dragged the smaller man along as they walked. Usnavi’s mind was muddled with the word ‘date’ repeating over and over again like a strange chant.   
  
“Uh Usnavi…do you know where we’re going” Johan blinked realizing he had been walking straight with no direction for a long time. “Usnavi? U-Usnavi?”   
  
Usnavi had a date with Johan, _Tomorrow_.


	9. A Bewitching Date

There were few times a year New York City seemed to slow down. The city that never slept fell to a soft murmur during the Holidays. Most places were closed for the celebration with only few open establishments dotted around the city. Even the streets were emptied, no doubt families were getting cozy in their homes. Christmas day after all, was about opening gifts and being with loved ones.

 Lord knew why Usnavi was with Johan on Christmas. He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes watching the clock tick on. It was still too “early” to be up. The house was still unnaturally cold and Johan was out like a light on his couch. Since the moment they got home his heart hadn’t stopped racing. It chugged on for what felt like ever, unsteady and filled with a silent excitement.  
  
‘Make a date out of it.’

 

‘A date’  
  
It had been so long since Usnavi went on a date. He had been on a few awkward teenage dates then with a long hiatus in his dating game went on two more with Vanessa. Those were equally as awkward. This was probably going to be awkward, just as stale and frustrating for Usnavi. Of course Johan was going to have a mediocre time, then he’d go back to California and act as though it never happened… The waves of nerves rippled through Usnavi’s stomach like an uneasy sea. He rolled to his side and stared at the door, with a sigh. He wish he could sleep these feelings away. He wanted to forget the tightest in his stomach that came when he thought about being alone with Johan. He wanted to slow his speeding heart that sprinted to the sight of Johan. He wanted to cool the fever on his face that blazed now that he realized Johan was triggering more emotions out of him than he would have liked.

 Usnavi pressed his face against his cool pillow and wondered if Johan felt this way? Usnavi knew he felt something but what? Did he just want to...fuck?  
  
“Ah..shit.” He buried his face deeper into the pillow. He wasn’t gay. He knew that...or he did for a long time. Being gay was the last thing on his mind but now it seemed to be the little voice in his head making him take a second look. Johan was making him take a second look in who he was.  
  
He allowed himself a moment of doubt. What if he was?  
  
So he took this date seriously, how was this going to work? Long distance? He barely made it work with Vanessa who was only a train ride away, how would he make it work with someone who was across the country?  
  
Still, Usnavi stared at the door and fought the small urge to get up and watch Johan sleep. He wanted to watch him and convince himself that Johan was just helpless. Poor man couldn’t navigate New York with a map app let alone try to win Usnavi over. He had no idea what he was getting into with a guy like Usnavi. Even Usnavi didn’t know how to handle himself.

Morning rolled around and Usnavi walked out of the bedroom acting as though he had just woken up and he wasn’t just counting down the minutes. To his surprise, Johan was...up? He glanced at the empty couch and wondered when he crept out of bed? Usnavi didn’t hear him. He turned his head towards the bathroom and saw the door was open and light was off. Before Usnavi could seriously wonder if Johan had ran off back to California on foot, he heard a soft clang from the kitchen.

 

“Good morning” Usnavi spoke before he reached the kitchen, he peeked in and found Johan shirtless (again) holding up a yellow can of coffee. “Need...some help there, Johan?”  
  
“Mornin’” He smiled, looking over at Usnavi with a soft little smile then went back to giving the can a hard stare. “No...no I don’t need help.”  
  
“Anja.” He nodded, his eyes wandering over the dips and curves of Johan’s muscular frame while he gave the can a darker look. “Was the can not vegan?” He chuckled once he took in Johan’s body fully, his brain was barely functioning.  
  
Johan placed the can down and sighed. “I was...well I figured I’d make you some coffee...since you do it every morning.” He frowned, “I suppose I didn’t have the right vibe figure out the press...do you happen to have cheese cloth so I can soak the grounds?”  
  
“You are not putting Buestlo in some rag” Usnavi walked over taking the can out of Johan’s feeble hands. “Look, making coffee is an art it takes practice.” Usnavi spoke while he filled the water and started adding the powder into the press before setting it aside to boil on the stove. He did this all seamlessly and quickly without looking at what his hands were doing. It was all second nature.

 

“Amazing, your vibe is so bright when you do that.”  
  
“When I make coffee?”  
  
“It's a confident vibe...very...attractive.” Johan looked away with a soft grin.

 Well if he found confidence sexy then Johan was probably going to think Usnavi was hideous real soon. “Well don’t get use to it.” He muttered.  
  
The apartment felt tense, he knew that today they were just going to stop at a botany or some florist that happened to be open on this day. After a silent breakfast and even more silent getting ready sequence Usnavi found himself already dreading this day out.  
  
He told himself it was nothing more but a friendly day out between friends. Barely friends...more than friends? “Ahh fuck it.” He muttered, digging his hands deeper into his pockets as the bitter New York winter began to nip and their exposed faces. Usnavi was layered up, a coat with a sweater underneath, long sleeve shirt, thermal pants and his hat. He was dressed as though he was about to go hiking through the tundra to get this hazel for Johan.

 “You say something?” Johan tilted his head downward a bit.  
  
“Yea, I said I don’t know if this place is open now that I’m thinking about it. It is Christmas...most people celebrate it.”  
  
Johan shrugged a bit, “we’re not most people.”

He had them there. They were two strange men. Usnavi ...appreciated not being alone in his world. He liked not being the only oddity. Usnavi began to make his way down the stairs to the gritty looking subway system. He focused on finding his metro card while Johan looked around, taking in the rotting walls and the stained tiles...it was definitely some sort of look. “Jo, keep up.” Usnavi called standing by the turnstile. Usnavi had to admit, Johan looked cute. He looked like a kid, eyes staring at everything around him with so much awe and wonder. For a man that made Usnavi question his sexuality he had a profound innocence to his spirit.  
  
Wait, spirit? Usnavi was starting to even think like him. This was a problem.  
  
They boarded the train and Johan soon got a taste of the overcrowded city. Inside the train cart it was hot, so hot the windows fogged up. There were near a hundred people crammed together inside of the cart. Johan had no choice but to awkwardly stand with his hand on the overhanging bar that ran down the ceiling of the cart. Usnavi stood by the door with a vertical running bar that ran from the top of the cart to the floor. “We ride this for about 6 stops.” Usnavi was relaxed. He hated crowds but he knew when to tune everything out.  
  
His body shut down, his mind numbed all he focused on was the rumble of the car and making sure no one reached into his pocket for his wallet. The train jerked around a bit, the bodies held their own against the rattling car, well most. Usnavi felt a heavy body bump into him and immediately his arms went around and held Johan.  
  
He hugged him tightly keeping Johan’s towering body from leaning too far to one side and topple over. Johan stumbled but was quickly stopped. It was almost painful how strong Usnavi’s grip was. Johan’s body was stilled, supported upright by the smaller man. Johan’s eyes were on the top of Usnavi’s head, staring at his hat waiting…  
  
Usnavi held him.  
  
And didn’t stop.  
  
Johan felt his heart rocket for the entire train ride. His body awkwardly swaying a bit with every turn and shake but Usnavi’s arms never loosened. He held him close, until their puffed jackets were compressed together. Usnavi’s hands locked behind Johan’s back and held him, held him in a way Johan had never been held before. He flushed a bit, feeling the heat get to his face. One more stumble and he pressed his chest against Usnavi who looked up disgruntled, his face only slightly pinkier. “What are the point of your abs if you have no core strength to keep you up?” He huffed.  
  
“I guess they’re only for show.” Johan chuckled a bit watching the playful gleam embody Usnavi’s aura and eyes. “Sorry…” He muttered softly after trying his best to keep himself stable for the rest of the ride. When it came to their stop, Usnavi was slow to unhook his grasp. It was after they stepped out of the train, Usnavi was hit with the wave of realization. He held Johan for a good ten minutes. He HELD him like his life depended on it. His arms felt weak all of the sudden, his hands tingly as his muscles replayed the memory of what it was like to have Johan in his arms.  
  
Once they reached the surface, Johan seemed dazed. More so than usual, he stepped off the last step that led to the surface and nearly stepped out into the street without thinking. “YO.” Usnavi yelled grabbed Johan’s hand giving him a hard tug. “Earth, to Johan what are you trying to do? Reach the spiritual plain quite literally?”  
  
“Sorry…” Johan shook his head, his hand instinctively squeezing Usnavi’s for support. “The ride must have messed with my bird like mental compass.”

“Uh huh...just stick close.” Usnavi decided then it was better for them both if he kept Johan in his hand. He tugged him along walking down the slushy sidewalk. It was nice having no one around. It was quiet, no double people were still indoors enjoying their Christmas with their loved ones. And here...Johan and Usnavi were out together. “Some Christmas huh? I bet you miss having a cushy family to visit.”   
  
“Mm I do miss my family but ...I’m not missing my family.” He smiled swinging their hands a bit. Usnavi tensed up his arm making it harder to swing, but Johan kept going against his protest. “I’m happy to be here.”    
  
Usnavi felt his heart flutter a bit , he didn’t say a word. He looked up and sighed in relief. “Here we are.” He motioned to a small, hole in the wall brick face shop. With a little ding of the door, they were welcomed by a small Spanish woman who was surprisingly still running the store. “Feliz Navidad” Usnavi greeted her then started hovering over the wall of various dried herbs.    
  
“Navi’ Que haces aqui?” A voice that had a shrill that could cut through glass made Usnavi jump and release Johan’s hand faster than he would if he was on fire.    
  
“Daniella, uh...just picking up...stuff.” Usnavi stood in front of Johan who was mesmerized by the wall. His small body did nothing to hide the man.    
  
“Oh I see your friend is still here.” Daniella’s cat like smile widened. “Hola Mr. Johan~”    
  
Johan turned his head and smiled, “Merry Christmas, Daniella.”    
  
“Call be Dani, please” She winked trying to make herself sound a little younger with a cuter nickname. While Johan looked over the herbs Daniella sank her claws into Usnavi’s arm and pulled him towards her. “So what’s the deal, why is he here.”    
  
“I don’t know” Usnavi gulped knowing it was a waste to hide anything from Daniella. She would find out regardless. “He came to spend the holiday with me and I … might have told him to go home...and now he can’t”    
  
“Usnavi, I swear to god you were dropped on your head. Why would you tell HIM to leave?”    
  
“Because...I’m not...you know”    
  
“What? Not lonely? Not sad? Not in need of a little loving en la cama?” Usnavi’s face turned red the more Daniella went on. “Navi’ por favor, don’t waste your time or his, you are not getting any younger sweetheart. Plus who knows who else might come around to be with you.”    
  
Usnavi didn’t like how that last comment sat. He was pushing Johan away, Johan the only other romantic interest he had in years since Vanessa. He wanted company. “...I’m trying…” He said softly, Daniella’s grip loosening.    
  
“I’ll light a candle of la Virgin and pray for you, get some tangerines, they’re good for the romance.” She whispered grabbing a few candles of santeria.    
  
Usnavi didn’t believe in spiritual stuff or magic but he needed a miracle. With a small gulp of breath he walked over to Johan and grabbed his hand again once he had found the witch hazel. “...You know, the fireworks by my building are nice...around New Years” Usnavi croaked out as Johan smelled the herbs.    
  
Johan paused in mid sniff and turned his head to Usnavi giving him a soft smile. “What are you trying to say Usnavi”    
  
The smaller man fiddled with Johan’s hand a bit. It felt right, the holding, the closeness. It felt...good. He looked up at Johan and felt himself loosen up the hold he had on his heart and allowed himself to freely speak without thinking of a plan or a consequence. He spoke from a feeling.    
  
“I want you to stay.” He smiled. 


End file.
